Tulips

Chapter 8

Sunday night rolled in quickly. Outside the window the gardens of Versailles rolled under the night's sky. It was the final evening Adelaide would spend in this room, tomorrow night she would sleep in Louis' suite, shortly after they would likely move to the crown's apartments. Adelaide had visited the French king the other day, his face was shallow and grey, the room thick with grief. Louis had been by his father's side for most of the week, his face cold and unwavering.

She should have been sleeping, but she sat on her bed staring forward, the moon was bright outside. She thought about Normandy, about the ocean, about her own room in her own castle. She thought about the grand throne, she had always imagined herself sitting in it, head high, adorned with the beautiful jewelled crown. She thought of the smaller chair destined for the sovereign's spouse, grand still but nothing compared to the real thing. Sovereignty stolen from right under her nose.

There was a knock at the door, quiet but urgent. Adelaide walked towards the door, deliberately taking her time. She stood, clasping her hands in front of her, a sudden rush of vulnerability and humility brushed through her nightgown.

"Come in," she said, none the less.

Nicholai peered round the door, he was smiling in politeness, but he was clearly anxious. He placed a finger over his lips and offered his hand to Adelaide. Don't do it. Don't do it. Guilt sagged in her chest. She took his hand. They snuck through the large halls; nervousness clogged her throat. Nicholai would steal glances back at her, providing the warmth that Adelaide had been craving. He led her out a small door into the cool outside. Summer was lapping in the wind, ready to strike at a moment's notice, the hedges quivered in uniformity. Still the air stuck to Adelaide's bare skin, leading to a shiver. Now in the safety of outdoors, Nicholai looked around and took hold of Adelaide's other hand. He leaned over, kissing her fingertips, his eyes filled with a joy which was not warranted.

"I shouldn't be here," Adelaide said.

"I'm sorry how I acted the other day," he said, ignoring her comment.

"I shouldn't have agreed to go with you," she bit down, trying to suppress her quivering lower lip.

"Adelaide," he straightened. "my soul rejoices at the sight of you. And every bone in me aches at your absence." Adelaide couldn't help but smile, Nicholai knew how to be sappy.

"If you were to so much as sigh at the thought of rain, I would swear war at any cloud that threatens to hold itself above you." he continued. "Marry me. Come with me, right now."

"Stop it," she said, gasping for restraint.

"We can run off to Russia, or anywhere you want. I have a carriage ready, you don't need to marry Louis, we'll be away from all of this." you could see the dream in his eyes.

"Stop it," she repeated.

"Adelaide, how can you do this to yourself? You can't love him. You can't tell me you love him."

"Of course, I don't love him." she couldn't lie to him, not still.

"Are you really going to spend the rest of your life in a lie? You are wasted here. With me we could live a life that where you are happy, I won't let you do this to yourself." his hands wrapped around hers like the thick nautical rope.

"I'm so tired of lying Nicholai," her head fell into his chest, tears dampening his waist coat. He stroked the back of her hair.

"It's alright, come on" he started to guide her away.

"No," she recoiled from their intertwinement. "I'm not doing this. I love you, I promise. But I can't leave."

"There's nothing keeping you here,"

"Yes, there is." she sniffed. "I don't want to give up royalty."

"Your choosing a title over your own happiness."

"No Nicholai. I'm choosing myself over you." She shook her head. "I can't give up a life like this to live in the Russian countryside, tucked away from the world. I am giving up so much in marrying Louis, but leaving with you would mean giving up my everything."

"Don't do this. Material things don't make up for what we have." he demanded.

"I'm sorry." her voice quivered. "I'm sorry I lied to you, and I'm sorry I'm not the person you think I am."

"This can't be goodbye," his dark eyes were sparkling, tears rolled down his olive skin.

Adelaide shrugged. She turned and walked back to her room.

Heart broken, Nicholai retreated to the carriage he had prepared, accompanied only by Adelaide's shadow all the way to St Petersburg.