JJ Maybank/ Rudy Pankow Smuts & Imagines

Pankow/imagine #1

⚠️ warning ⚠️ this chapter involves sensitive topics such as suicidal thoughts/behavior, anxiety, and depression. If this is something you don't feel you can read through or just don't want to fill free to skip this chapter.

"Y/n?" Rudy asked groggily after answering your 4am phone call.

"Rudy, I'm sorry baby did I wake you?" You asked with worry and sadness in your voice.

"No baby, what's wrong?" He asked cautiously hearing your voice.

"Can you come over please?" You said getting a lot quieter and starting to cry.

"Baby what's going on?" He asked standing up and getting dressed, worry fulled his voice.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have called." You said as you hung up.

You put your phone back on the charger and walked into the bathroom, ignoring the calls and texts from your boyfriend.

You locked the door and started to breakdown. You pulled out a small cardboard box from the cabinet under the sink and after a couple minutes of starring at the dusty box you opened it.

It's been years since you have seen this old razor blade. You shakily grabbed it and pulled it out of the box, setting the now empty box aside.

You looked to your left arm at the faded scars along your forearm, your vision starting to blur and the ringing in your ears getting louder making your head pound.

You sit on your bathroom floor for a few moments thinking about what to do next. What would happen if you did it? How would your family feel, your friends, and Rudy?

Would they care? Would they notice you were even gone? Who cares you thought to yourself. You raised the blade to your arm and stayed there for a second starting to regret your decision.

You lowered the blade and dragged it across your arm. No cut started to bleed. You did it again in the same spot and only at the very end there was blood.

"Fucking dull blades." You mumbled to yourself throwing out the box and the blade. You wobbly stood up and turned on the cold water, using it to wet a rag and wipe away the small amount of blood near your wrist.

You looked up at the mirror seeing your puffy under eyes and the whites of your eyes now pink and dry.

After putting on a bandage you pulled out your eye drops, not hearing Rudy enter your apartment. He walked around looking for you until he tried to open the locked bathroom door.

"Y/n? Baby are you in there?" He said still trying to open the bathroom door. That's when it all hit you. What you had just done. "Fuck!" You thought starting to cry again, quietly but loud enough for him to hear you.

"Baby please unlock the door. Let me in." He pleaded.

After hearing a click he opened the door to see you in a ball on the floor. He rushes over and picked you up, startling you.

He brought you to your bed and laid down with you, holding you close and comforting you as you cried against his chest.

"What happened love?" He asked setting his thumb and index finger on your chin bringing your face up. You made eye contact with him and started to cry even more seeing the sadness in his eyes.

"I'm so so sorry Rudy. I'm sorry." You cried out. He held you tighter. Seeing the bandage on your wrist he figured out what happened.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." He said while rubbing circles on your back with his thumb and calming you down.

You told him that you truly don't know what happened today to make you feel this way and you are sorry for worrying him so much.

"Rudy you make me so happy, I really don't know what happened but I'm happy you're here now." You said quietly digging your face into his neck.

He put a soft kiss on your bandaged left wrist and slid your body onto your bed as you fell asleep. He stood up and you felt the bed shift.

"Don't go please." You whimpered.

"I'm not going anywhere baby." He said taking off his other shoe and jacket then sliding into bed with you.

You fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and you felt safe in his arms.

Word count: 729