Orb of Obscurity

52-Nodes Tollens

What about him?

I froze. I had been too focused on deciding whether or not I wanted to have the kid, that I forgot about him. He was the f*cking father. My excitement from deciding to have the child died down, the moment I started to think of him. I hated every single thought about him.

He could have been there with me. We could have taken the decision together. Our kid. I started sobbing thinking about all the things that could have happened if we had been together.

That single word if gave me so many hopes and possibilities.

Stupid Jimin. I was cursing him so badly, crying my eyes out that I didn't notice the woman in front of me.

"Young lady, here." I looked up to see her, handing me a tissue. I took it from her, blowing the snot out of my nose.

"You shouldn't cry so much in this condition. It's not good for the baby. How far are you?" She asked, taking me by surprise. I looked at her in surprise, observing her for the first time.

She was quite old, probably in her 60s or 70s. Graying tips of hair, spoke her age, accompanied by fine wrinkles showing her age.

"How did you know?" I asked her, voice cracking from crying for so long.

"Your hand hasn't moved from your belly for a single second. You are showing well." She smiled, looking fondly at my tummy.

I looked down to see my hand resting on my belly. Every action of mine fascinated me. How long had it been since I came to know of my pregnancy? How did my actions change so fast?

I rubbed my belly softly. I was afraid to do absolutely anything now. I was afraid of hurting the baby. I was a reckless soul to begin with. Very very careless. I definitely needed someone to remind me that I was growing a life in me and that I had to be careful.

I needed him.

A fresh set of tears rolled down as I thought of him again.

"Having trouble with your husband?" She asked me. Usually having someone ask me such a personal question would make me frown at their nosiness, but this time I just needed someone to lend me their ear for me to spill all my worries and cry my eyes out.

"Boyfriend." I said softly.

Wherever you were in this world, the world would scorn you for getting pregnant with a child with a guy you hadn't married. That was just how the stupid world worked.

"Aah. Did he say he didn't want the kid?" She asked kindly, not to trigger my feelings.

I shook my head. "He doesn't know yet."

It remained silent between us for a while. "Are you afraid that he'll say no?"

I paused for a while before saying the words. I hadn't uttered these words since that day.

"We broke up."

Saying it out loud actually made me realize that we were done forever. It was really over between us. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders just as another, heavier one was placed on them again.

I was all alone in a foreign place, due with a child.

I swallowed my worries as I began spilling the words that had remained pushed back for the past months.

"We broke up and I came to know of the baby just yesterday. I can't tell him."

She thought for a while before speaking. "Not my place to say, but he is the father. He has a right to know."