Did I Ever Love Her ?

Fair - Unfair ?

"Again breakup, My God ! What makes you leave her at this stage?" asked Daksh
"What's shocking you so much? Dude you're forgetting that this is my forth breakup in a year. You know that right?" I said.
"Yeah I know and I know why you broke up with the other three also and in my view all the reasons you told are totally baseless and unfair." said Daksh
"Chill out dude, don't bother about what has gone, focus on what's coming. Tell me, what have you did after your true serious relationship went wrong? I told you, I can help you getting someone else but no, you want to live with the memories and fuck your life hanging around in your dreams with her" I said
"Look I'm not like you, okay." Daksh said aloud
"Yes you are not like me. Straight and cool all the way, right. You are not like me loser and I want you to be like me and enjoy every moment. " I said.
"Playing with someone's emotions and ditching them is what you call enjoyment? I don't want this kind of enjoyment and being your bestfriend I'm advising this, "Don't kill your character by the hands of others, it will burn you from inside and at that moment you won't find any means to attain peace in yourself." Daksh said.
"Stop all this at once, Daksh. I'm done by your lectures. Let's have lunch together today." I said
"Bro you aren't a 17 year old boy, you're 22 now, with some serious responsibilities. Try and think over that rather than wasting your energy on all such worthless sorts." said Daksh
"Now my ears can't hear a word anymore. Bye Daksh I'm leaving. Text me if you get over with your life session." I said
And I left.
Okay this was our quarterly arguement with each other. Well after all Daksh is my only bestfriend I'm having and he knows me better than all of my other friends, but sometimes he really eats up my ears which is really hard to bare for me. Jokes apart let me introduce you myself to you all. I haven't told you my name till now.

I'm Aarav,  an intern in a renowned IT company for about 12 days. The above conversation between me and my bestfriend gave you an idea about my character, but judging me here at this scene will be unfair.

I was born in Karnataka and I'm living in Mumbai since 16 years. Mumbai is all about living life kingsize and there's no doubt I too think of myself as a king.
15 years ago it was really hard to date one another and one night stand was totally impossible because it was no less than a criminal offence. But scenarios changed and traditions got left behind. Dating and going into serious relationships is still difficult even after 15 years but flirting and hookups made it's way for the coming generation.
From being a nerdy, unhealthy , not so good looking guy at my high school time to being the apple's eye of girls, a storm of sorrows swayed me.

This was my first yet worst date. Back when I was just 17 .

"Tell me Daksh, this shirt or the black tshirt? Which will be best for today's date?" I asked
"Wear a shirt bro, it's your first date and leave your first impression as your best one" he said
"I'll be needing your bike also, please." I asked
"Yeah take it but don't go too far, you are still underage and if anyone catches you I'll be getting sued for sure." He said
"Don't worry, I'll be in touch with you." I said
"Okay, take the keys. Now you're ready. Best of luck." Daksh wished
"Thanks bro. See you soon." I said and left

10 minutes earlier at the cafe I reached and waited. In that 10 minutes i.e. in 600 seconds I opened my mobiles's front camera several times to check, whether my hair is perfect, is my face not looking oily or tired, are my teeth looks white and many more. So much to see and so much of anxiety. After all this was my first date. I convinced the most beautiful girl of my class. Now everyone will know me and will feel jealous. I pray that everything goes well.

"Hii." She greeted
"Aahh..hhrr..Hii." I greeted too but with less confidence
"Here we'll discuss about our project?" She asked

Wait .... is it a date or a project discussion I've come for ? Obviously not. It's not an official date but for me it is because how can I just go and approach her directly for a date there were many like me waiting so I had to make an excuse for a meeting. Let's continue...

"Thank you. You look beautiful today." I said
"What? Well thank you." She said confusingly
"I'm sorry I mean to say, you look beautiful today and yes we'll discuss our project structure here only. Is it not a good place to do so?" I asked
"It is a good place. Much more good than I expected. Okay whatever. Tell me what all details you've collected till now?" She asked
I felt nervous upon her question as I wasn't having any thing related to the project and I can't just tell her like that.

"You state your side first, then I'll brief mine. Is that okay?" I asked
"Yeah sure. So right now ma'am has asked us to get a brief of humanities and expansion of groups and all.." She said and I interrupted in between
"First let's have something. What will you like to have, coffee or tea?" I asked
"Umm. I'll just have a softdrink. That's it." She said
"Okay. Two cokes and stellar croissants please." I ordered the waiter.

Our order was served. In one hand she was holding the glass and in the other was her phone. She was smiling a little while seeing in her phone and that was the opportunity for me to propose her.

"What I wanted to say is....I think there's something I want to say to you." I said softly
She was still looking in her phone and said
"Yes tell me."
"Actually you are the most beautiful girl of our class and beautiful... you're ..no sorry ... arghh... be a man Aarav. I mean yes there's no one more prettier than you." I said
"Ah! Thank you. But why are you saying this all suddenly?" She asked
"It is like, I love that girl, the one who is the prettiest of all. I would like you to be my girlfriend. Will you?" I said
"What? Are you out of your minds?" She exclaimed
"What happened? Did I said something wrong?" I asked. I'm sorry but I'm pretty serious about this. I've never told something like this to any girl before so I really don't know how to get this done decently.
"Have you seen your face? Do anyone know you? What's your identity in the campus? Nothing. And how can you be so confident that you can date me. Not even in dreams. Bye, I'm leaving and I'm out of this project also."
She said

I was just sitting there in shock and staring at her halfly drank coke glass and the croissant on her plate. I sat there idly for an hour paid the bill and came home.
Next day I went to college and I saw her again near the college with two more girls and few boys too. I headed down and kept walking towards the college.
I never imagined that first year of college would go so hard for people who don't know about the rolling of outer world.

"Hey lover boy, come here." A boy called
I turned my head towards him and asked.
"Are you calling me?"
"Yes, come here." He said again

I went to him and she was also standing there with a wicked smile. I didn't have any idea what they are upto.
"What happened?" I asked
"With project's excuse you try to propose a girl and that too a girl who is already dating someone else." He asked
"Who is dating whom? I don't know what you're saying about." I said

Just then someone poured chilled water from backside and my eyes were forcibly shut by another guy. Someone slapped me so hard and then again many of them slapped and kicked me.
"Never ever try to come closer to my girl. This was just a small reminder next time it will be even worse." That boy said
"And stay away asshole." She said

And they all left and I looked like worst ever. I was wet all the way, my books got wet and my one sleeve got tore and there were marks of shoes and slaps. Tears were rolling out as everyone saw me and no one came out for help. I didn't go to college and bunked the day. I spent my time wandering, what wrong I did to her? I haven't touched her, I didn't even said anything bad about her. I just loved her and in return I was got kicks and slaps. Is loving someone so wrong?

I shared the incident with Daksh and he was so furious about it but I calmed him down and said, "Time will come and then we'll show them brother."

This was my first time I loved someone which in turn I was rewarded with so many physical pain as well mental breakdown too.
I then never looked towards her, not in the fear of getting beaten again but she wasn't worthy enough for my attention.
Although not all girls are likewise same in nature but I made up my mind that no girl sees the inner qualities of a guy and what makes them crazy is manhood attainment and flirty conversations and sparking social life out of which I had nothing.
I started working on myself, my qualities, my talents and my personality. Because at the end it's you and your insecurities and what comes in between is other people's thoughts.