After School

1.19 Ronald

September 11, 1946: Lunch

"Do you understand, Ronald?"

Ronald wiped the bloody tears that were running down his face. He blinked rapidly and stared at Josh, who was sitting in front of him. His luminous green eyes pierced into Ronald's sunken heart, causing the rips and tears that were already there to expand. A chill was in his blood, the coldness bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill. Part of it was the painful truth that damaged him. Yet the other he could endure. He could sleep through the night without the anesthesia of false hope.

His mind was blank and no questions were running through his head. He finally understood.

He finally understood the deep-rooted problem within Josh. He learned what happened the last day he and Josh were friends. Strangely, Ronald didn't feel anything after hearing this information. Peace used to reside within his deep brown eyes, but now that space was vacant. He didn't feel whole, he felt shattered. For most of his life, his world was joyful, with only a couple of painful moments. It would take an inside job to cause emotional injury for a resilient person like him, and Josh did just that. Now that all the loose ends of his relationship with Josh were tied, he felt ruptured and heartsick, not fulfilled. He realized that it was too optimistic to think that he would be able to retrieve his friend from the River of Styx.

Ronald had previously imagined what this day would feel like. The day that Josh would tell him the truth. He thought he would feel completed and satisfied. He believed that after having this supposed peaceful conversation, their rivalry would end and they would return to playing football in the neighbourhood park. 

 In hindsight, Ronald realized that their goodnights were truly final goodbyes.

"You... you..." Ronald choked, as his frigid blood drained from his body with every passing second. "How could you... let your mother influence you to think like that..?" Ronald whispered, his raspy voice causing a strain on his softened throat. He stared at the monster in front of him with a pained expression, wondering where the Josh he knew went.

"Are you saying that my mother was wrong?" Josh snarled. Without warning, he smashed his head against Ronald's. His monstrous eyes flitted as they scanned Ronald's hematic and wounded face. Ronald faltered at the sudden force as he felt his brain rock back and forth. His vision of Josh became distorted, and he only saw the fuzzy outlines of a bloody beast. "My mother is never wrong!"

Ronald noticed that there was something in that shout... like there was pain behind it. Ronald watched Josh's flickering green eyes. Then he knew. The anger was nothing but a shield for his anguish, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life and lonely. He breathed in slowly. What if nothing blew up? Wouldn't Josh have to calm down? Wouldn't the shield clatter to the ground and he had no choice but to let the pain tumble out?

He observed something similar during their physical fight when Josh slowed down once he got the upper hand. It was like he was at the tip of an iceberg, ready the break at any moment and spill his true feelings. Ronald peered up at Josh with bruised eyes and saw his blistered mouth moving. It was like he wanted to say something. However, later, his mood quickly converted back to its usual ill-tempered self when he remembered what his mother told him.

Ronald sucked the thick air as his head ringed, hoping the oxygen would stop him from crawling towards death. "Josh..." he breathed, as he noticed one last string of hope dangling in front of him. Perhaps, he could forgive Josh and then their friendship will be mended. Ronald reached out and grasped the string, clinging on to it like it was his lifeline. "I... I understand that back then... you listened to your mother, because as a child... your parents are your world. You would obey their requests mindlessly because you believe that they're right." His grip around the string tightened, as he desperately hoped for an end to this searing agony. "I forgive you for back then. But Josh, now you're older. You should know that your mother is wrong. I will never do the things she said I would do to you! I am not dirty!"