One Tail at a Time

Cucumbers and Naming Dates

Dear Buddha and all who dwell above and below...! 

For the longest moment, my head remains in my hands as I struggle to contain the laughter.  I can barely look at her, in fact I am looking more at the Buddha statue behind her for inspiration, but for the life of me,  nothing at all comes to mind other than the pure innocence on her little face that is looking at me in both pride at having won her race and satisfaction at having yet another argument to back up her win against Liang.

This is definitely one of those moments in a man's life, when he must dig deep in order to maintain an air of calm and collectedness which I really am struggling to find.  The story is both hilarious and outrageous, that for several more minutes I think back to my own lesson which really isn't much different, only my father did not use allegories, he explained it in minute and explicit detail which left me just as red faced and just as embarrassed as I am now.  Only I cannot give her the exact same lesson because for one, she is still joyful over her win against the other bean sprouts and Liang and secondly, because she is just not mature of mind to accept the facts.

She might be nearing the age to marry, but the truth of the matter is, she is immature for her age, and more than likely to become frantic if I so much as replace even one allegory with the real thing.  So with my head still in my hands, and the laughter just a mere cough away from exploding, I force myself to calm down and think on how best to use her own story to get to the main point of this lesson, which takes me several more minutes before finally finding my voice to tackle what is probably the greatest challenge any of my students have ever given me to date.

So moving passed the cucumber and salad dressing which I just don't have it in me to discuss right now seeing as she is now looking most upset at the way I force her hand back into her own lap having tried to reach out for a cuddle, seeing as this is how we end every session, I instead move her onto the sharing of spit or body fluids by lightly touching on the allegories without actually spelling it out to her.

I inform her that it is body fluids that create the bean sprouts and it is only married couples that perform what she calls 'Fertilizing the egg' ritual. This is as close to her story as I am prepared to go in order to save myself the hardship of bursting her bubble, and the embarrassment of describing what is just too far beyond her ability to cope with and this is never more evident in what follows and what has me clutching at my head all over again.

Her beautiful big eyes are now enormous as yet another epiphany hits.  She leans in as close as she can get while I try my best to keep the distance by keeping my hand in place as a deterrent only to also bite down hard on my tongue when she asks most solemnly if the cucumber is the stick that boys poke girls in the belly with.

Dear Buddha help me.....

All I can manage is a nod of my head, any more than that and I will laugh, though I do my utmost to keep my eyes on the statue behind her to ground myself.  The most serious look on her face is utterly hilarious, but I know that what she is learning is new and rather upsetting considering her next question regarding her inability to share her kisses all over Kunlun Mountain, has her tears welling and my heart both breaking and rumbling in my rib cage, I am that close to laughing.

Somewhere deep within my core, I manage to create that space which allows me to talk without losing control.  And so I explain my role as her Spiritual father which is very much akin to that of her own father, and the roles of her new brothers which means she can hug and kiss me, but not her Kunlun brothers which means boundaries that I will be placing on all over them to keep her safe and the mountain free of distraction while also maintaining decorum and appropriate behaviours which I do not verbalise, but she seems to get the message.

Or at least I thought she did, because for a few seconds she sits there with a meaningful look on her face, before suddenly launching herself straight into my lap and knocking my head out of my hands to catch her before we both topple over.

And no sooner is she cuddling my waist and splattering my face with little kisses, then the composure I have managed to gain is lost when I burst into unrestrained laughter.  Of course she thinks her cuteness and lack of restraint is what is making me laugh, but to be honest, the entire past hour and unsettling emotional restraints I had placed on myself, are now exploding from the pit of my belly.

Cucumbers and salad dressing indeed!  I think I will be laughing about this day for a very long time, in fact, I am still laughing when I leave her resting under the tree for her brother to collect.

Putting the book down, the tears in my eyes as my embarrassment rises only give way, when I think about how much I had put him through back then with my endless questions and lack of foresight.  If I knew then what I know now, there is no way I would have given him anything much less jumped in his lap in complete disregard for the entire days lesson.  In fact, I can barely believe how stupid my young brain had been back then.

Still, there is a part of me that wants to extend this lesson and a plan of sorts begins to develop in the back of my mind when mother arrives to fetch me.  Our son is awake and looking for his meal, but it is a plan I think I can pull off but for now it remains in the back of my mind, when my husbands face rises to smile at my entry.

He's had more than enough to drink, so I move from scheming to forcing him out of the room to rest.  Our son is now two weeks old and I am still healing and I am also tired, so taking both of my boys back to our chamber, I force them to rest, before seeking out Chang Shan to assist in a light meal for when he awakens.

His smile is still on his face, when he sleepily closes his eyes to nap, while mine is too.  I think it will be on my face for the rest of this day at least.