(Even When It's Not) About You

World's on Fire

Rob sat on the bed in the guest room, a condom in his hand. He flipped it back and forth a few times, his stomach anxious. In no other relationship, whether it was with a man or a woman, had he been so nervous to be intimate. It seemed silly, in light of what had happened the night before, but that had been all Mike. It was Mike who had kissed him, Mike who gave the orders, Mike who didn't stop to ask permission.

With his eyes closed he remembered the soft little oh when Mike came in his hand, the way Mike had crawled up his body to kiss him in the aftermath of his own orgasm, the way he'd curled up behind Mike the night before and whispered the love he felt for the other man. So much of him wanted to take down the last barrier between them. The last physical barrier. He'd been wanting Mike for so long, but now that the time had come, he was stalling. And he knew it.

He knew Mike was probably already waiting for him in the other room, fresh from the shower. His own hair was only towel dried, damp from the shower he'd taken at a slower pace than usual. Then, for whatever reason, he'd put on clothes - boxers, pajama pants and a t-shirt - though their intentions in coming upstairs and parting ways to go shower were clear.

He was the one who'd hesitated when they made it upstairs, hand in hand. He wasn't sure which bedroom they were going to, and didn't want to assume he was invited back into Mike's. He was ready to take Mike into his, a vision in his mind of Mike's black hair against the wine red blanket, but Mike took the lead, suggesting showers and for Rob to join him in his bed when he was ready.

Am I ready? I'm ready. He's ready. That's the most important part, that he's ready. Rob had already asked his permissions downstairs, and he knew exactly where Mike stood on the issue of intimacy after last night. He opened his eyes and looked at the condom again, and even though he wanted to leave it behind, he took it with him anyway. It was one of the things they hadn't talked about yet, and he didn't want to have to stop to come back and get it if that was what they decided.

He left his slippers when he crossed the hallway to Mike's bedroom. The bedside lamp was on, and Mike was sitting on the edge of the bed in pajamas, his hands curled around the edge of the mattress as he stared down at his feet. Rob took a moment to try to calm his runaway pulse and he sucked in a breath that wasn't as quiet as he tried to make it.

Mike looked up and smiled, and the look on his face was enough to move Rob's feet across the floor until he was standing in front of him. "Hey."

"Hey." Mike reached for Rob's hands, the condom transferring ownership as soon as they touched. "Good idea," he said softly, only giving it a cursory glance before he tossed it next to his pillow and turned back to Rob.

Standing, he reached up to touch the side of Rob's glasses, a short smile passing over his lips. "Let me put these away this time. I know you can still see without them." With both hands he gently lifted the glasses from Rob's ears and took them off, then twisted to the side to lay them on the nightstand.

"You're only a little fuzzy now," Rob commented, blinking as Mike came back to slide both arms around his neck. The moment didn't seem real. The outline of Mike's face wasn't as sharp as it had been, and the lack of focus made his dark eyes seem deeper, like a fantasy. It was mesmerizing, and Rob couldn't look away. "You're like a dream."

"You're like waking up from a dream," Mike whispered, pulling Rob down to connect their lips.

Rob felt Mike's long fingers in the back of his hair and the way he leaned in closer, and his hand spread open on the small of Mike's back. The bedroom was quiet, and Rob could hear his heart beating, and Mike's soft whimpers, and the sound of their lips as they met softly. It wasn't lost on him, the difference in the way they were coming at this moment. For him, it was the culmination of years of longing, of waiting and watching, of silently pining for his friend. A dream he'd never expected to be reality. But for Mike, it was an awakening of something new, a new chapter in a different story altogether. A moment he'd woken up to seize.