(Even When It's Not) About You

Make It Up As I Go

The last day of tour came faster than Rob expected. Six weeks on the road was nothing compared to the marathon overseas tours Linkin Park had taken multiple times. It was interesting to him that he wasn't ready to head home yet, and that home now meant something different than it had months ago.

In his head he pictured Mike's place, and it surprised him every time, though it shouldn't have. They had left for tour from Mike's, and Rob assumed he'd be returning there, though things were starting to look better. Different. It wasn't clear if Mike still needed him the way he had before. Mike was better than he'd been at any point in the last year, and Rob was happy to see the changes. It made him hopeful in a way he hadn't been since Chester passed.

Since their heavy talk, three weeks had passed, more or less in keeping with the first three weeks. They were sleeping later than they did at home. They shared coffee on the road with the vibration of the bus beneath them. He watched Mike write or sketch when they weren't passing time with board games or video games. Lunch happened in off beat restaurants with the whole crew, the new guys included. Mike didn't leave his bunk curtain open again, or leave more than a hug behind when it was time for bed. It was all very much like the first part of tour, and it was good, in Rob's head, that those things hadn't changed.

What had changed was the way Mike looked at him. Rob tried not to read too much into the way Mike embraced him after the shows, or the way he would lay his damp head on Rob's shoulder at night while they relaxed in the back lounge after showers. He tried not to follow Mike's every move with his eyes, knowing what he knew now - that Mike could see the hunger in his gaze.

Rob wasn't sure what his expressions told Mike now, but as those three weeks passed, Rob catalogued every glance, every word they exchanged, every touch between them. At the shows he listened to Mike tell his stories about Chester, and every story that passed seemed to ache a little less. Time was sliding by, and gradually the cloud surrounding Mike's shows seemed to dissipate. Rob didn't know if the conversation he'd had with Mike weeks ago had influenced him or not, but Mike was smiling more. His eyes no longer lingered on the flag with the picture of Chester that was making its way around the venues. By the time they made it to this final show, it seemed he was fairly resolved not to look at it at all.

The morning of the final show he sat with Rob in the lounge, drinking coffee, the bus parked behind the venue. There had been some discussion of going to breakfast, but Mike hadn't managed to get dressed yet. Rob finally suggested that perhaps Ed or Jim would run out and grab them something, and was relieved when the bodyguard took the hint. Mike had sent him on his way with a short list, and then the two of them sat together in comfortable silence, both of them with mugs of coffee in their hands.

"You ready for tonight?" Rob asked, rolling his head on the back of the couch to look at Mike. There was a strand of hair falling across his forehead, and Rob kept his hands to himself. He wanted to touch it, to move it and tease Mike that he needed a haircut, but he didn't.

"I'm ready." Mike rolled his head head toward Rob and their eyes met.

Rob felt his breath catch at the look on Mike's face. He'd been waiting for that sparkle to come back to MIke's eyes. The light had been sucked out of Mike's soul when Chester left, and Rob knew all along it would never be exactly the same. But the glint in his eyes now, talking about the upcoming show - it was the moment Rob had wanted to see for weeks. The moment they had talked about, the moment that said to Rob that Mike was celebrating instead of mourning. He was looking at Mike's lips and didn't realize they were moving until he heard Mike's laugh.

"You're not even paying attention to me." Mike's laugh subsided as Rob's face turned serious, and he reached over and took Mike's hand.

"Sorry. I was listening, but then I was thinking... you look happy, Mike. And it's good to see." He offered Mike an apologetic smile. He hadn't meant to get distracted. He was usually the best listener, but lately Mike had been more distracting than usual, and Rob had found himself not hearing every word being said.