(Even When It's Not) About You

Lift Off

Rob didn't sleep after Mike disappeared into his bunk. He showered, and thought about laying down, but his body was too wired to rest. It was close to four am anyway, and they were to be dropped off at the airport at eight. There was no sense in trying to fall asleep, only to have to wake up again so soon.

He didn't bother with pajamas. Fully dressed for the morning, he sat at the small table with his head in his hands, wondering what had come over him. Who says that? Drunk or not? Rob shook his head. He hadn't been drunk. He had been loose, and so was Mike, but that was no excuse for talking about bending Mike over and fucking him senseless. With a grimace he ran his hand over his face and put his glasses back on, adjusting them to stay where he liked on his nose. It's just one more thing we have to talk about. There's always something to talk about, which is the right thing to do, but sometimes I wish we could just do what we want.

There were too many things - people mostly - in the mix to just do what he wanted, though, and Rob Bourdon knew it. It was selfish to bring it all down to just himself and Mike, anyway. There was the band, and Mike's family, and Rob had no idea what was happening with either of those very important pieces of Mike's life. For whatever reason, Mike was keeping the details of his split with Anna quiet, and that included from him. I should ask about that. If we're going to get into a relationship, I should know what's going on with Anna and the kids. I should know stuff like that. Why hasn't he told me anything?

Rob lifted his head and looked toward the bunks. It was tempting to go drag Mike out of bed right then and ask, but he wouldn't. Years of experience told him that traveling with Mike on little sleep wasn't fun, and no sleep was infinitely worse. He had no desire to poke the bear at the moment. It would all have to wait until morning, which was now only a few hours away.

The warm effects of the rum had long since worn off, and Rob wanted some coffee. He was quiet, moving around the kitchenette with ease, leaning against the counter while he waited. There was a certain rhythm to the hum of the road rushing by under his feet, every second bringing them closer to the airport, and back home. He'd kissed Mike, talked dirty in his ear, and the moment of reckoning would come much faster than he wanted. Rob sighed as he poured coffee into a mug and went back to the table.

He couldn't take back what he'd said, and he didn't necessarily want to. There was no denying that every part of him did want to strip Mike down, but not in the hasty way he'd all but implied earlier. He wanted to take his time. Uncover and discover each part of Mike's skin little by little. It didn't matter he'd seen Mike naked before. They'd all seen each other in various stages of undress through the years, and naked, but it had never meant anything. Not the way it would when Rob laid him down and kissed him all over, memorizing the way Mike felt and smelled and reacted to everything.

Rob blew out a breath and looked toward Mike's bunk again, wondering if he was asleep and hoping that he was. He hoped Mike was sleeping off the night and in a few hours he'd be thinking clearer, too. Neither of them wanted a quick fuck, despite what had been said, and Rob was ready to take Mike home with a mutual understanding that they didn't need to rush. He didn't want to mess this up, and despite the obvious fact that Mike was better, that he seemed ready to live his life, Rob knew moving too fast could end in disaster.

He sipped at his coffee and rolled his eyes. How much slower can I go? Twenty years... I've held a torch for him for twenty years.

He remembered Mike in high school, and how worldly he seemed compared to Rob. Those extra two years made a big difference, and when Mike and his friend Mark were ready to start the band, it hadn't taken much for Rob to say yes. Or to stutter a yes. He'd had the biggest crush on Mike Shinoda ever since he'd first seen him in the school theater production. Mike was the upperclassmen, confident, attractive, and good at everything. Rob was just a sophomore and painfully shy, hiding behind his drums until he was needed. Mike was always the one with the big plans, and Rob had gone along with whatever Mike dreamed up. He was the driving force behind all of it, and the years had passed while Rob watched Mike's shoulders and chest broaden slightly, watched him pierce his ears and grow a scruffy goatee because that was all he could grow at the time. He watched Mike hide his slender body in clothes four times too big, and Rob never imagined anything like Linkin Park would come of Mike's dreams. He stayed only because he wanted to stay close to Mike.