(Even When It's Not) About You

Crossing a Line

Rob uncrossed his long legs and recrossed them again, tapping his foot against the side of the barstool next to him. It was uncharacteristic of him to feel restless, and even more so to show that restlessness. He'd just come from his house, where he'd checked on the property and paid some bills, before he arrived at Brad's. He caught the guitarist sneaking glances at him from across the kitchen and rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Just wondering what you're so worked up about," Brad answered as he stuffed kale into the Vitamix before dropping two bananas on top. Blueberries, yogurt, and protein powder were already underneath the kale. Before Rob could answer, he pressed the button and together they watched as the ingredients blended into a purple smoothie that would taste more like grass than anything else.

Brad released the button and reached for a glass while Rob watched the smoothie swirl to a stop. "Anxious to meet up with Mike later." Rob looked down at his watch. "He's probably already doing soundcheck."

"I still don't get it," Brad mumbled quietly. "No idea how he's planning to do all of that on his own." He busied himself with pouring the smoothies and avoiding Rob's eyes. He'd already spent weeks trying to figure out where Mike's head was, but none of it made sense to him.

The day they had a band meeting and Mike confessed what he was thinking about doing was clear in his mind; Brad had stood up and walked away for a few minutes, trying to process what Mike was telling them. It was hard not to take it as a slap in the face to what Mike had been saying all along- that they all needed to be on the same page to move forward. Playing gigs on his own, writing an entire album... those were all signs in Brad's head that Mike was moving forward, with or without the four of them. Or that he was so far in denial that he didn't see the rift in the band that his solo career could possibly create.

In all of the worry and despair of the past several months, the one thing that had been constant among the band was their shared concern over Mike's state of mind. Now they seemed to be pulling in two different directions; Phoenix and Joe jumping on the Mike Shinoda bandwagon of support, while he and Rob watched cautiously from the sidelines.

"Honestly, I don't know either," Rob said, taking the smoothie from Brad when he passed it over. He poked the straw he'd been holding down into the glass, but just stirred it a little in thought. "But you know Mike. "He's been very focused on these performances coming off just right." It was true. The past few months, Mike had thrown himself into the meticulous planning of the live set the same way he always became lost in it when they were getting ready to tour. Except this time, he was trying to figure it out with Chester.

Mike spent hours mixing and cutting, and remixing songs to give their fans what he thought they wanted, and what he was capable of providing. Rob knew Mike still wasn't eating or sleeping enough, but his demeanor now seemed less like perpetual mourning, and more like a single minded focus on what was next. "You know he's got it all planned out in his head. It's been good for him. A distraction.""

Brad sipped the smoothie through his straw and leaned against the counter. "Well, he certainly needs that. But even when he first told us he was gonna do this, he didn't exactly sound thrilled about it." He scratched at the concave slope of his stomach lazily. "I know you guys must talk about it more, since you're staying with him." Brad quirked his eyebrow at Rob and waited.

The band had always been good about asking questions directly and not talking behind each other's backs, but the concern over Mike had changed that in the last few months. Everyone seemed to turn to Rob for answers. He looked down into his smoothie and shrugged. "We talk. He was making all this music as an escape, and once Warner got wind of it, all of that changed. He's having a hard time with that, Delson. He's having a hard time with the fans, too. I know you and I don't see much of that, and it makes me grateful every day I didn't get into the twitter and instagram thing. It's relentless, people reaching out to him and tagging him. He thinks they need to know that we're still here, and we're okay."