(Even When It's Not) About You

Brooding

The flight back to Los Angeles landed at six pm local time, which meant for Rob, fatigue had set in hours ago. It felt like two am the next day, but he couldn't rest yet. He sat on a bench at LAX and waited for his brother's white BMW to pull up to the curb and take him home, another hour away. He'd heard the surprise in Dave's voice when he answered his phone to hear Rob on the line, asking for a ride. Rob knew he'd be sitting on the bench for at least another forty-five minutes. Dave Bourdon's house wasn't close to LAX, and for a moment, Rob regretting calling his brother instead of an Uber.

Oh well. We need to talk, anyway. Maybe he'll do most of the talking. Rob almost cracked a smile as he looked out of the sea of cars weaving in and out of the multiple pick up lanes, honking at each other. Of course he will. He always has. He's the talker of the two of us, that's for sure.

He watched the traffic and all of the people getting into the various cars, quickly assigning character traits to them as they passed through his life in mere seconds. As a child he sat and silently watched people everywhere; restaurants, doctor's offices, schools... anywhere there were too many unknown people triggering his social anxiety. He could entertain himself for hours making up stories about their lives, and why they were out and about. Something about creating a life for stranger made them less... strange. It was a game that worked well for him when Linkin Park's fame grew and he found himself increasingly put in situations that caused his heart rate to spike and his palms to sweat. Left to his own devices, he would have hidden behind his drum set and never said a word to anyone.

But Mike was so insistent about meeting the fans. All of us, not just Chester. Rob could hear Mike's voice in his head, coaxing him out of dressing rooms, promising to sit beside him. Come on, Bourdie, I'll be right there next to you. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. He could remember the way Mike would give him that million watt Mike Shinoda grin while they signed autographs, their knees knocking together, until Chester would lean over and whisper something in Mike's ear, pulling his attention away. Then Rob would smile shyly at whoever was next in line and scribble his name, all while trying not to hear Mike and Chester giggling and chatting away with each other and the fans.

It had always been easier to ignore the loneliness he felt in their presence if he was occupied thinking about something else. Over the years he'd assigned entire lives to people he would never see again. It made everyone less of an unknown and somehow easier to be around, and Rob had never fallen out of the practice.

By the time Dave finally rolled up to the curb, he'd watched countless people come and go. Rob picked his backpack up and carried it by the small handle on the top to his brother's car. There was a line of impatient vehicles behind Dave's BMW, and he didn't waste any time opening the door and stooping over to get inside. The backpack went to the floor and Rob shut the door, pulling his seatbelt on and clicking it into place as Dave cursed the flow of taxi and Uber drivers cutting into the lanes around him. Rob looked down at his hands and let his brother deal with the traffic on his own. Neither of them said a word until Dave was back on the interstate, and even then, it wasn't Rob who spoke first.

"Well, welcome back," Dave finally offered, giving Rob a sideways glance. "A little more notice would have been nice." He looked into his rearview mirror and then back out in front of the car.

"It was a last minute decision," Rob admitted quietly. "Talked to mom yesterday."

Dave nodded his head. "She told me. You have no idea how thrilled she was that you called. I've had to hear it from her every time I've called her lately. Oh, and happy birthday." He didn't say anything else, and Rob looked out the passenger window.

"Sorry about that. You know how it was. It was easier to just go instead of listening to her talk. She didn't know what to say. Still doesn't." They weren't moving through the city very quickly, which was fine with Rob. He hadn't quite talked himself into going to see Mike tonight. The longer it took to get to his place, the later it would be, and the less pressure he would feel to just get it over with.