A Man Named John Smith (10th Doctor x OC)

Chapter Twenty two

The moment the Doctor lifted his sonic, a massive spaceship the size of a football field lowered from the sky. 

“What the hell did you do?” Scott shouted over the loud engine of the ship.

“Well, your hunting time is up, Scott,” the Doctor said, keeping his lips drawn. “I called your superior. Your head superior.”

“No,” Scott cried, fear in his eyes. His face turned to Jamie, then the Doctor. “No!” 

The silver ship hovered over the land, attracting attention from people all over the town. 

“Give me a minute, he’s right here, I’ll have him!” Scott begged at the top of his lungs. 

“They don’t know that it’s me they're looking for,” the Doctor replied, showing no emotion in his features. 

For a moment, Willow pitied him. Then she remembered how he’d tied her to a chair and nearly killed her best friend. All her sympathy flew out the window. 

She watched, eyes wide, as a flash of bright white beamed down and enclosed itself over Scott. 

He let out a shout as the light swallowed him up. As soon as it had come, the harsh brightness disappeared. Whether Scott had been killed or beamed to the ship, Willow couldn’t tell. Nor did she want to know.

As she stared at the ground where Scott had been, she felt a pair of eyes looking at her. Even though they were far away, Jamie kept her eyes on Willow and dipped her chin into a slight nod as if to say ‘goodbye.’ She kept her head held high as she walked into the spot Scott had been. 

“You don’t have to,” Willow whispered, even though Jamie couldn’t hear her. She gave Willow one last look before the light beamed down and disappeared, leaving nothing behind. 

The ship gave a groan as the engines went into full blast, propelling itself into space like none of this had happened. The only thing that proved this occurred was a grey haze of exhaust fumes.

The people who had witnessed this slowly but surely returned to whatever they were doing before the monstrous ship had lowered from the sky. Perhaps they assumed it was a big act.

The Doctor stood there for a moment before turning his attention to someone in the distance. 

After a second, Jack bounded up to the Doctor, but both men didn’t greet the other with a smile. It wasn’t until Jack said something Willow couldn’t hear, that they both threw their arms around the other with a laugh from either one of them. Jack motioned to the inside of the TARDIS, which made the Doctor pause. Jack then jabbed the direction behind him and took a few steps back, like he was telling the Doctor he’d wait to go inside. Willow figured out why after the Doctor turned around and caught her red eyed gaze. She stood up and pulled on the snagged end of her shirt. She looked down, now feeling self conscious when she realized she was still dressed like an 80’s magazine. The Doctor didn’t seem to notice her embarrassment as he walked towards her, eyes bright and arms wide for a hug. Without realizing it, Willow took a step back, which made the Doctor stop. 

“Oh, I-”

Willow’s face heated with shame. “Sorry, I didn’t…”

They sat there awkwardly before the Doctor tried again. “How was it?” 

Willow swallowed the lump in her throat. She was supposed to be happy having him back, but how could she when he’d created and ripped a human away from his life? Even with this writhing around her heart, Willow didn’t want the Doctor to feel bad for doing any of this to her. It was what she had signed up for, after all. Right?

She tucked a wild curl around her ear as she met his eyes. The eyes that had grown dim when he had been John Smith were brighter than ever. Trying to not let the sadness in her eyes show, she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. She even attempted a small smile.

“It was… fine. I’ll be fine.”

The Doctor stared at her long and hard, like he was waiting for her to break. Like he knew.

Willow didn’t wait for that moment to happen. She quickly brushed past him and into the hallways of the TARDIS.

She felt twisted. She felt unclean. 

Everything felt so. Damn. Complicated. Willow had used John because she’d realized that she loved the Doctor, the man who didn’t love her. The man who had left her alone in Pennsylvania to hide for two months. The more she thought about it the more sick she felt. 

She ran down the halls, getting dizzier with each step. She opened doors, searching for the bathroom. Open, close. Open, close. Her head spun, the same way it had when she’d nearly slept with a man just because she could. Open, close. Open close. 

The faster she opened doors, the tighter the hallways seemed to get. They were closing in on her because they knew what she had done. She let out a shout as her breath quickened and grew taught. She stumbled to another door and opened it. A sterile white bathroom revealed itself. It was probably the same bathroom she’d been in before this whole thing happened. She ran to the white toilet and immediately hurled into it. Bile rose from her throat and purged itself into the bowl. Her throat was raw and her lips were chapped from all of the crying she’d done that day. She hated feeling. It’s what had gotten her here in the first place. She sobbed as she rolled over, her hair sticking to her sweaty face.

Not even a second later after she finished throwing up, she heard the sound of rubber soled footsteps as they thudded down the hallway. The Doctor ran through the door before stopping in his tracks at the sight of her.
She buried her face in her hands with shame. He quickly went over to her and wrapped her in his arms. 

“Oh god,” she cried through her convulsive gasping. “I’m such a screw up.”

“No, Willow, you’re not. You’re so much more, you hear me?”

Willow didn’t reply, so the Doctor pushed her hair away from her face to get her attention again. His eyes didn’t leave her until she nodded.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he watched her bottom lip tremble. “I shouldn’t have left you here alone.”

Slowly, she met his eyes. It frustrated her that even when she looked at him with disdain, her heart fluttered. “Isn’t that what you always say?” she whispered.  “What did you say to Scott… that we’re all just specks of dust to you?”  

“Willow-”

“Is that what I am? Are you going to get rid of me one day too?” 

“Too?” the Doctor repeated before looking at the opening of the TARDIS. “Jack…”

“Will you leave me, Doctor?” Willow asked, her voice breaking. The question had clouded her mind ever since Jack had told her about being left behind.

The Doctor turned back to her and looked her so hard in the eye that she had to avert her gaze downward.

“I swear to you, Willow Watterson. I will never leave you, nor will I ever do anything like this to you again. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

She tried to accept the apology, but at that very moment, words did nothing but slide off her heart.

“Do you remember anything?” Willow asked, though she feared his response. 

The Doctor paused for a moment and shook his head. She noticed that his eyes flickered and waned to the left. “Not a thing,” he assured her.

That should have given her a sound mind, but it only increased her guilt anymore. She could tell he was lying to her.

“I messed up, Doctor,” she hiccuped. “I did certain things because…”

He adjusted his hold on her so she could see him. The words were on the tip of her tongue. I like you. 

She shook her head, deciding that now wasn’t the time. Then again, would there ever be a right moment? 

“It’s not important.” She wiped her eyes.

“Promise?”

Willow looked down at the ground. “Promise.”