Blurry » Sterek

Chapter 33

The air in the locker room feels thick, and the silence is making Stiles uneasy, his stomach twisting itself into more knots with every second that ticks by. Derek may not know what he wants to say, or maybe he's just afraid to say it, and that's the worst part; he has no clue what the werewolf is thinking.

"Sorry, I'm...not very good at this," Derek sighs, rubbing a nervous hand over the scruff on his chin. For this first time in forever—since his family died—Derek knows what he wants, he just doesn't know how to say it, or even where to begin.

"Can I start by asking you a question then?"

"Sure," Derek replies wearily.

"Do you actually want a relationship or was last night the extent of what you're willing to sacrifice of yourself? And I don't want that to sound hurtful," Stiles scrambles to add, "Because I understand why you don't let people in...I just hope—never mind. You go now."

The werewolf holds his breath for a moment, releasing it very slowly. He does not want Stiles to think he's just some asshole that wanted to get in his pants, and that's it. After everything that has unfolded, he gets why that thought would cross his mind. "I didn't mean for last night to happen."

The brief pause Derek takes to piece his thoughts into a coherent sentence, the human misinterprets. His throat tightens and his vision becomes blurry once again. He feels like he needs to go take another shower to wash last night off of him all over again.

"No. No, no, no," Derek says hurriedly, turning towards Stiles and gently grabbing his wrist when he realizes how that sounds. "I mean't it wasn't supposed to happen like that, not before I told you how I felt. I gave in to my urges and ruined how—I ruined everything. I thought I was in control of my first full moon as an alpha, but by the end of the night I let my guard down and my wolf," he swallows and looks away, "I'm not using it as an excuse. I shouldn't have lost control."

With everything happening, it had completely slipped Stiles' mind that Derek is an alpha now, which came with his wolf being even more amplified than it already was. He was so focused on the healing process and making sure Scott didn't try to kill anyone this full moon, he forgot Derek needed someone to keep an eye on him, too.

"Are you saying..." Stiles trails off, giving in as he drops from flight mode to sit next to Derek again.

"It's always been you, Stiles. Since the first day you put yourself into my life on the playground. Avoiding having to say that to you has been driven by my fear that you'll reject me all over again and I'll lose you. When you...expressed how you felt after I got back, I didn't want to believe it. I let all the pain back in from what happened at the party to keep you at a distance, all so I didn't have to admit to anyone how I feel. Because I've lost—" his bottom lip quivers and the male can't help but bow his head.

"I know," Stiles frowns, tilting Derek's head back up with a finger, "I know. We can take things at a pace you're comfortable with. We have both lost people close to us, so I'm not jumping into this like other teenagers either, okay? No 'I love you' after the first date, no promise rings, no declaring our relationship in front of the entire school three seconds after we establish a status, and definitely no social media posts every time we're in the same room together. This is real, and it took me a little longer to figure that out, but if we're being fair, I don't have a wolfs second opinion."

Derek can't help but scoff with amusement, although the wolf does help when searching for a partner. Just the fact that Stiles can lighten any mood is what make his lips twitch into a slight smile. While Derek knows Stiles is the one for him, he knows for the sake of both of their emotional barriers, they really do have to be careful and take things slow. But Stiles knows about Derek's past, his baggage, his issues; more than that, Stiles accepts them.

It is nothing more than a soft capture of each other's lips, lingering for a long moment, then resting their foreheads together and just breathing peacefully. A peace that is shattered when the locker room door crashes open and they startle apart.

"Ah, great, more students skipping class to make out in here? The school has got to put a lock on this thing!" Coach exclaims to himself, then a hardening glare focuses in on the two males, and they're scrambling to their feet. "Back to class! Now! Next time I catch the two of you I'm making you stay after school to scrub this place spotless! That's years of sweat, do you really want to spend an afternoon cleaning others men's sweat off every serface?"

Derek clears his throat, holding back a laugh when Stiles squeezes his bicep, holding in his laughter as well.

"No, sir," he finally replies.

"That's what I thought. Next time, find a different place to devour each other's faces, got it? Now go!"

The werewolf slips his fingers into Stiles', running out of the locker room hand-in-hand, the human giggling all the way back to class. Derek peers over his shoulder at Stiles' red cheeks and eyes glistening with tears from laughing before grabbing the door handle.

"What?" Stiles asks curiously, wiping at the corner of his his eyes with his thumb.

Derek just shakes his head with a fond smile, pressing a quick kiss to his temple. "Nothing. Come on."