The Only String Attached

16

I saw a boy proposing a girl on his knees.

I stopped in my tracks looking at them. Everyone one were cheering for them.

'Mahir proposed Bani di in front of everyone'

I blinked my tears back and moved out from there.

I looked around and I was passing by a lake, saw a just married couple kissing.

'I saw Mahir and di in their wedding attire'

I moved faster and reached my flat. I unlocked the door and entered looking around.

I changed into my sleep shirt which reaches my mid thigh, it was a cold November.

"I know what you are trying to show me god. I'm coming to you",I said.

I filled the bathtub with water and took one cutter.
I was looking at the cutter, it was inviting me to slit my wrist with it.

I gulped looking at it and sat in the tub.
I just held the cutter throwed my head back and was going through the memory lane.

My dad and sister were my world.
I loved a man more than anything.
My sister and him are happy together.
Now I don't have a reason to live.

My hands were shivering catching that cutter in my hand.

Mahir's face flashed in front of me. I opened my eyes and looked around.

What the fuck am I doing?

I can't kill the memories of me and Mahir by killing myself.

"No you bitch", I cursed myself and got out of the tub throwing the cutter a side.

God should decide when I should die, not me.

I don't have a right to kill myself.

This is not the solution,no. I can't do it.

What will dad feel? Di,Mahir,Vish,Yuvi and Vyom?

They will hate me for doing this shit. I can't do it.

I am wrong. There are many people to hear me out,but I dint give them a chance, that's it.

"There are many for me",I said to myself.

I saw Suhani coming inside.  She saw the surroundings and looked at me.

"Suhani no, it's nothing like you are thinking",I said and was awarded by a tight slap.

She have a right to slap me.

"What the fuck were you doing Bela"? she asked.

"Trust me Suhani,I thought to end it. But it's wrong,I backed off. I will never do such things",I said.

She hugged me and started crying. I hugged her back and started crying. I cried my heart out.

I changed my clothes and we both went out.
We both went to the church and stayed their for hours.

I'm not going to end my life. Never.

I started spending most of my time in orphanage with the children.

They all are orphans,but still they are living happily with each other. They have a reason to die,but my excuse is nothing in front of them.

I got a hope from them. Spending time with them was so blissful.

Many are homeless,many lost their parents,many lost their loved ones.