The Only String Attached

16

They told that I was at the initial stage of depression. That was not at all a shock for me. I knew that I was already into it.

I used those anti depressants for some days,but my mind was still on Mahir.

I try to sleep, his face flashes.                 I try to eat, the memories of him feeding me comes back.                            I try to go out,the memories of us hanging out comes back.

Suhani started spending more time with me. She used to ask me to share my problems. But I couldn't speak in front of her.

The panic attacks were becoming regular, I dint inform my dad.

I used to walk on the streets alone. But nothing helped me to gain my senses back.

But one day when I was walking through a street, I thought I saw Mahir. I blinked my eyes twice,pinched myself,slapped myself.

But it was true. I saw you Mahir.

I turned back and started walking towards my flat, but the memories were flashing in my mind very hard.

No! He can't be here.

"I did not see him. I was just hallucinating",I said to my self.

I was walking fast to my flat,but my vision was getting blurred,I couldn't breathe, I could feel my heart pumping blood so fast.

I composed myself and reached my flat. Suhani was not there. I was searching for my pills and I wasn't getting them.

I checked through my stuff and found them. I was prescribed to have single pill a day.

I couldn't take the fact that I saw Mahir, I decided to end my life instead of this torture.

I took a handful of pills and gulped them. I felt myself getting lost and I slumped on the floor.

I thought it was my end. I was happy that I saw Mahir before leaving this world.

But I woke up in a hospital bed. I saw Suhani crying near me.

She scolded me, hit me and she was devastated by looking at my condition.

Doctors informed that I was in depression. They told me to share my problems with them.

They recommended a psychiatrist and they were too not helping me.

Suhani informed my dad about this and he came the next day to see me. I couldn't answer his questions.

"What are you thinking of yourself Bela"? my dad asked with anger looking at me.

"I don't know dad. I...I cannot bear it",I said.

"There are many people who lost their loved ones,but still they are accepting the reality and moving on", he said.

"They are accepting the reality because they know that they are dead and they will never come back, but I cannot move on seeing my love with my own sister",I said.

"You have to move on Bela, they both are happy now. I don't want you to spoil their..",he said and realized what he was saying.

I understood what he was going to say.

I gave him a sad smile and said,
"Don't worry dad,I will not spoil your daughter's married life, I'm not a psychopath".

"I dint mean to say that Bela",he was saying.