the hating game ; lrh

forty-eight

LUKE AND I LAY sprawled out on a long stretch of grass somewhere on the outskirts of Yale's campus, picking at a box of overly-priced hot chips we had found at a nearby takeaway store named 'Seedy Joe's'.

My head is rested comfortably in Luke's lap as he sits up against a big tree, his long fingers tugging softly through my hair as I hold a copy of Pride and Prejudice above my head to read.

"'How strange!' cried Elizabeth. 'How abominable!'" I read aloud, my voice clear and probably carrying, but I can't bring myself to care. "'I wonder that the very pride of this Mr Darcy has not made him just to you! If from no better motive, then he should not have been too proud to be dishonest — for dishonesty I must call it.'

"'It is wonderful,' replied Wickham, 'for almost all his actions may be traced to pride; and pride had often been his best friend.'" I look up at Luke, who is watching me lovingly, a cheeky grin on my face. "Sound familiar?"

Luke returns my grin, dimples drilling into his cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about," he responds sarcastically.

I giggle, closing the book and setting it aside. I sit up from Luke's lap, instead adjusting my stance so that my head rests against his chest, almost tucked into the nook between his neck and shoulder. His hand comes down to meet mine, fingers slipping in between mine and intertwining. I hold our hands up high, the clear blue sky creating a perfect background and the sun casting down a stunning light.

"I don't want to leave," I find myself saying, allowing our hands to drop back and rest in my lap.

I can't see Luke's face from where I sit, but I hear him sigh and feel his hot breath against my neck. "Neither do I," he responds softly, pressing a kiss to my ear.

I turn to Luke, grinning even wider than before. "Let's stay here forever, then," I suggest excitedly, mostly joking but also not opposed to the idea in general.

"Done," Luke responds instantly, earning a loud laugh from me.

I return back to my position rested against Luke's chest, sighing happily and shaking my head. "I wish," I muse, watching as a brunette girl and tall blonde boy in the distance waltz through the grass — almost like an older version of Luke and I.

"I wish it was always like this," Luke sighs in my ear after a moment, presumably also watching the couple in the distance.

"It can be," I remind him, though I regret it almost instantly because I know it will only resurface old arguments.

"Rory..." Luke trails off, letting out a huff that blows forward some of my hair.

I twist my body around to Luke now, fully facing him. He looks away from me, clearly trying to avoid the argument, but I refuse to let him run away this time. Not again.

"It can!" I insist, ignoring how Luke's jaw begins to clench slightly. "Hasn't this trip been perfect? It can be like this back home, too."

Luke finally turns to look at me, a hand coming up to brush the wild hairs behind my ear. "It has been perfect," he assures me, earning a surprised smile in return. "But only because there's nobody else around."

I brush Luke's hand off me, shaking my head to myself. Suddenly, the world around me dims to a darker colour. I am reminded of how I have allowed this boy who has bullied me for the better portion of my life, who has refused to be seen with me in public, who has forced me to lie to my loved ones, to govern a relationship that I really no longer feel that I have any say in. And what kind of relationship is that?

How have I allowed myself to get in this deep? How have I gone this long, gotten this far, and allowed Luke to make and enforce this arbitrary, archaic rule? Simply because he is afraid of my brother discovering us? My heart tells me that there is something deeper here; something more beneath the surface that I haven't uncovered yet. But how am I to do so when Luke shuts himself off from me every time I bring up the subject?