Love, Loss and Living

Beginning Again Chapter 23

Tina laid next to Bette listening to the familiar sound of Bette's slow breathing while she slept. After their talk, it had been rather funny how sheepishly Bette admitted she had forgotten to book a hotel room.  Tina had insisted that Bette stay with her and Angie. Bette was hesitant to accept at first and when they got to the hotel room things were a bit awkward. Exhaustion helped them both quickly move past their inhibitions and move into familiar positions when they settled in bed to go to sleep. Tina had edged herself tentatively closer as Bette reached around pulling her into a spoon position. Tina happily took Bette's hand and brought it close to her heart.  Tina reflected how it seemed both took pleasure in having the opportunity to reacquaint themselves with each other in an intimate manner, but neither had to voice the need to wait for any further physical intimacy. Tina had quietly smiled to herself, not knowing Bette was doing the same as they closed their eyes and drifted to sleep. Tina thought about the conversation they had late into the night, not realizing how late it was until they were told the restaurant was closing. The honesty, the openness and how it was clear they had both reached a point of understanding that allowed for the forgiveness of themselves and of each other. This was the emotional nourishment that they both needed from each other and it would be the lifeblood of their new relationship.  Tina thought both seemed more at peace, but she wasn't surprised that Bette was struggling with trust issues. She always knew that would be the biggest obstacle to a complete commitment. Tina knew now more than ever that she needed to stay close and continue to show her devotion to Bette no matter how long it took. Tina started feeling warm and then she felt the sweat building on her forehead. Damn, she thought, fucking hot flashes. She slowly untangled herself from Bette, trying not to wake her with her movement and the heat radiating from her body. Tina watched as Bette slowly opened her big expressive brown eyes.  "Good morning," Tina said with a warm smile. "I tried not to wake you."

"Good morning," Bette said as she leaned over and kissed Tina tenderly.  "Hot flash? I could feel the heat building before you moved." The curve of her lips moved into a smile. Bette gazed at Tina as the sleep fog slowly left her.  She took in a deep breath that brought with it the light scent of Lavender from Tina's favorite shampoo. Her desire for Tina from the time she stepped on the plane had become a dull throb that could quickly flare into a melting ache as it did just from taking in the Lavender scent.  Bette took Tina in with her eyes and paused as she tempered the arousal that had risen in her.  She could still see the golden haired girl in the middle aged woman that laid beside her.  While she continued to gaze at Tina, Bette thought how Tina had become more beautiful with age, noticing a hint of grey coming through her now strawberry blonde locks. Bette recalled Tina saying years ago that she didn't even remember what her true hair color was due to all the coloring she had done over the years. Bette gave a subtle smiled as she thought how the strawberry blonde suited Tina. The color took away from the soft lines that had begun to form around her eyes from years of giving that beautiful and enchanting smile that Bette missed seeing first thing when she woke. "How did you sleep?" 

"Okay, but I really never went to sleep.  We talked about so much last night.  I am still trying to sort it all out." 

"I know, me too."  Bette said giving Tina a rising smiled.  As Bette held Tina's gaze, the thought came to her that you can never love someone as much as you miss them.  People kept saying she would get over Tina, but some connections are to powerful to ignore or forget.  Bette reflected for a moment, going over in her head what was said last night.  Their love had taken a few detours over the years.  She didn't know how but their love found a away, it may be different, but it was just as pure.  Bette sat up slowly.  "Thanks for letting me sleep over. I really didn't think this through other than needing a plane ticket," Bette said with an apologetic smile.

Tina smiled back, "Bette, we are family first and foremost.  Even with all that has happened between us, that will never change.  You belonged here with your daughter, with me."  She leaned into Bette and kissed her softy conveying love and reassurance.