Love, Loss and Living

Jumping into the Unknown Together Chapter 15

Tina sat next to Bette in the waiting room. Both women were nervous about what plan the doctor had for Bette. The night before had brought the women together temporarily for this crisis. Bette had first asked about what Tina had told Angie.  Tina shared that she told Angie just enough to give her an idea of what was going on so she would not be to worried, but Tina said it was clear Angie didn't believe her.  They would need to make a call together and Tina thought it best to do after the appointment when they had more information.  The next thing Bette had asked about was Carrie. Unlike the dream, Bette was more guarded and less open about her feelings. However, the issue of Carrie was one that had to be dealt with before Bette would allow Tina in on any level. The one thing Bette admitted was that she was glad Tina came and would be by her side. Tina had always been Bette's tether.  She kept Bette grounded in the most difficult situations that could lead Bette into the most darkest of corners. Bette's insecurities were written all over her face and Tina wasn't sure if it was just about the medical concerns. She explained to Tina what had been going on for the last few months. She had been experiencing prolonged periods ranging from three weeks and at its worst two months. Her flow was heavier then anything she had ever experienced her entire life. It was this last time that put her in the hospital and started a chain of events that lead her to the oncologist. The gynecologist had said that having a prolonged period was not out of the normal for being in Perimenopause, but in the last month things had escalated to the point of it being unmanageable. Bette ending up in the Emergency Room needing a transfusion led the gynecologist to recommend a hysterectomy.  The doctor had indicated that it was a very common course of treatment for dealing with this issue.  Bette was fine with the solution and if it stopped the never ending flow, then she was on board.  It wasn't like she could have any kids, Bette had said with a loaded statement.  The problems started when the gynecologist told Bette that a mass had been found on one of her ovaries and it was rather large.  Her gynecologist took a biopsy and did more blood tests.   The gynecologist advised that she would try to get Bette's surgery scheduled as soon as she could.  A few days later she got a call from an oncologist that came out of nowhere.  Bette was told that a blood marker came up positive for cancer from the tests taken by the gynecologist and the  gynecologist called the oncologist for a consult resulting in an appointment being scheduled a few days later.

Tina looked at Bette who was always very stoic in her approach to health problems.  Helena had said Bette didn't show any emotion when she told her and her mother what was going on. Bette had continued to work long hours on the move of the Foundation's offices to Los Angeles. Helena had also said Bette had been very pragmatic and methodical in her management of the concerning news, planning for the worst possible outcome. All through this, Bette had been insistent in not calling Tina or for that matter anyone in Los Angeles. The one comment Bette made was that Tina was not her person any longer and Bette didn't want to bother her. Tina's heart fell when she heard this. No matter what her life choices, Tina never had the intent to shut out her family nor Bette.  Tina for better or worst was looking for a dynamics change between her and Bette. She just may have gone a bit overboard in trying to achieve it.  Tina had thought at the time, it was rigid, unchangeable Bette that was the problem.  In reality, Tina had just as many issues going on as Bette.  Tina always felt that Bette would be a part of her life, but she never took into consideration how Bette would feel about a different sort of relationship with her.

"Ms. Porter," the nurse called out Bette's name.

Tina reached for Bette's hand, not sure if Bette would take it, but she did. Tina gave it a slight squeeze as she looked over at Bette seeing the courage on her face as she moved to meet this unexpected challenge. This virtue in Bette was one that Tina always admired. Bette always showed so much grace under pressure, Tina thought as they walked towards the unknown together.