Love, Loss and Living

Try, Trust, Try and Trust Again Chapter 18

Tina had begun going into the Production Offices in Los Angeles.  She was hoping to wrap up this season of Golden Chalice, so she would be free to focus on her personal concerns.  Tina was dreading going back to Toronto, but she knew she had to go back. What would happen after that, she wasn't sure. There were important decision to be made and she had to be in Toronto to do it. Bette had begun working at her new office and they were seeing less and less of each other, but when they were together things had become more comfortable between them. Angie was freely moving between both homes, although Tina's home was empty for the most part. Tina and Bette wanted to give flexibility with Angie's time with each parent so that she could navigate around her own activities and schedule.  Angie seemed to like her new found control and it lent to her moving towards more independence.  Tina and Bette were always in sink when they were co-parenting and this did not change now that Tina was more available to Angie.  Tina and Bette made a plan with Angie to visit the colleges she was interested in attending.  Bette made available the Peabody Jet, one of the perks of her new position.  Bette for her part would manage the East Coast schools and tie the visits in with planned trips for meetings. Angie's excitement grew more and more as Bette's dread of her baby leaving home loomed over her. Tina was more pragmatic about Angie growing up and leaving home. She new that Angie was close to both her parents and Angie going away to school would not change their relationships, just their access to her in person.  Angie was growing up and the need to be involved in her life day to day was diminishing. Tina had learned while in Toronto, that effort was the most important aspect of staying in touch, something Tina had not been very good at while she was in Toronto.

Tina had been attending her therapy sessions regularly and they started becoming more intense as she began to dissect her choices and her relationships.  As she looked at some of the choices she had made, it dawned on her that she had made some very big decision in an impulsive manner.  When she didn't know what she wanted, she inevitably was unhappy with what she had, even if it was a good thing.  Being unhappy caused the impulsive decisions that put her on a path that felt good and before she new it, she was on a new path.  But any decision whether it be impulsive or thought out had layers of reasons why it was made.  That was what troubled Tina, she couldn't figure out what prompted the anger when it came to Bette? What prompted her to runaway and what prompted her to seek out someone like Carrie who was so drastically different then Bette. Her confusion around the decisions concerning her relationship with Bette unsettled her the most as she made them when there was still so much unresolved. If she didn't know what she wanted, what compelled her to make such life altering decisions and hurt the ones she loved so dearly? When she looked at it critically, there was something missing in her life in Toronto.  This being the case would she have done all this again with Carrie being the one left behind?  The answers to these hard questions eluded her and so therapy continued.  However, like in New York, her job was making demands and like before she would have to make some hard choice that might put her once again on a new path.  The show was on the last days of post production on the remaining episodes and the new season wasn't scheduled to air until December. Her focus for now would be her family and herself.  These thoughts swirled through Tina's head as she sat drinking coffee and having a light breakfast at Dana's with Shane.

"So what happens when production is done for the season on a TV show.  When we worked on Lez Girls, when it was over it was over," Shane inquired.

"It's kinda like a summer break, but not really.  My job never really ends.  I have to continue looking for talent for roles in the new season, make adjustment on the production team if necessary. All of it is based on money, stuff like that fills my time during the break."

"Wow, so when do you get your break?"  Shane asked taking a sip of her espresso. 

"I take the time when I need it or want it as long as it doesn't interfere with the production.  I was able to leave last February because the production was on schedule, but I was late coming back in June because production was running late.  It is very different from a movie."  Tina said matter of factly.