Battle To Be Free (z.m) ✔️

Chapter 37

Merry Christmas!

Alanna’s POV

I wanted to push him away but I soon found that his embrace was way to comforting for me to want to escape. I hated everything he said to me and it made me feel like a pushover for me to accept his comfort but the strong arms that wrapped around me gave me more than enough incentive not to pull away.

So I let myself enjoy his embrace. After a while of a peaceful silence I began to notice that his breath were irregular and shaky; my face was buried in his chest so I had to pull away to see his.

His breathing matched my own and as I pulled away it was then I knew that he too was crying. “Why are you crying?” I asked through my own tears.

“B-because I didn’t believe you and I said so much to you and I even allowed the rest of them to try and kill you for fucks sake!” His expression was angry and his eyes brows were furrowed. Blinking the tears away, he clenched and unclenched his fists although it was obvious the anger was only directed at himself.

I brought my hand to his face. “You believed your uncle,” I stated softly whilst the tears were still streaming down my face.

He wiped the tears away with his thumbs. “I should have believed you though.”

I didn’t have anything to say to that so I just rested my head back on his chest. He knocked my knees out from underneath me with his arms and I was falling for a split second before he caught me bridal style.

“Are you trying to scare the shit out of me?” I exclaimed.

The smallest smile I’d ever seen crawled upon his lips. “Sorry,”

I just huffed in response. My annoyed expression was just a façade though as secretly I was happy that his face was no longer tear stained and he seemed more in control of his emotions. I didn’t know if this was for my benefit or not, I was glad either way though because if there was one thing I couldn’t stand it was seeing him cry.

When he cried it was as if all his emotional walls were destroyed and he was back to being the little kid who was afraid of the dark. His vulnerability made me feel vulnerable too and I hated it. I hated how his emotions had such an impact on me because I knew I shouldn’t feel that way but I guess that was just a side effect of having feelings for him.

He sat up against the headboard, never once taking me out of his arms, and leaned his head slowly against it. He cradled me in his lap as if I was a china doll he was afraid of breaking. I could feel the steady beat of his heart and I sighed in content.

“How do you manage to be so normal?” He asked in a whisper.

“I’m far from normal Zayn,” I told him slowly.

“Yes you are,” He murmured as his hands ran through my hair. “You should be traumatised after all that you’ve been through. You’re so strong sweetheart,”

I grimaced. “I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off.”

His hands cupped my face immediately and he turned me around so that I was facing him. “Don’t you dare think like that,”

“It’s kind of hard when you have been thinking like that your whole life.” I muttered.

“Well you don’t need to think like that ever again,” He told me. “Because you were a child for god’s sake Alanna. No-one should have done that to you, ever, and I’m so sorry that it happened.”

I swallowed hard. “I tried to forget about it,” I confessed. “After I was taken by Daniel when I was like fourteen I’d told myself that it never happened, that it was all some horrible nightmare that I was never part of. Then . . . then Ben tried to rape me. Oh my god he was practically my brother and he tried to rape me,” I began sobbing again. “D-Daniel killed him. He used him as a substitute for what he always wanted to do to Adrian oh my god, oh my god, oh my god-,” I repeated over and over my sobs wracking through my whole body.