RED MIDNIGHT • Twilight •

4 ≻ Outsider

First, Alice had put plates and cups for all of us, even though I was the only one eating. I knew it was a nice gesture, but it only made me feel as an outsider. As the outsider I actually was.

And second, the spot at the table that used to belong to Edward was empty. I suppose it was the family's way to remember him, but when I saw his empty chair, the pressure in my chest became stronger.

"Ta-da!" Alice sang as she entered the room with a tray in her hands. She came to my side and placed a plate down for me.

"Thanks, Alice. It smells delicious." I said unconsciously without even looking at the plate. My eyes were fixed on the figure who was now sited at the other extreme of the table. Rosalie.

I had not noticed the moment she had joined us, but she was staring at me and when my eyes met hers, she smiled and nodded. "Hi," she said in a whisper.

"Hi, Rose," I told her timidly.

"Enjoy the meal, Bella," Alice said as she sat down next to me. "Rosalie and I chose the pasta."

Her words made me look at the plate for the first time. Mushroom ravioli. It must have been a joke. I pressed my lips and moved nervously in my chair.

"You don't like it?" Alice asked me with a horror face.

"I told you we should have asked her-" Rosalie scolded her but I interrupted her.

"No, I like it. It's just – nothing. Thank you, really."

I began eating as I tried to put the memories of a certain Italian restaurant aside. Even though the meal was delicious, I have to say it was the most awkward dinner I've ever had. I was the only one eating while they were only staring at me and smiling.

But they were not genuine smiles. It was as if they were trying to cheer me up or, even worse, just waiting for me to fall apart so they could comfort me.

I did my best not to look at Edward's spot, but I was failing amazingly. Esme and Alice tried to make some conversation but it was hard to follow. To be honest, I was not in the mood for talking.

When I finished the ravioli, Emmet rapidly stood up, grinning.

"Okay, now it's my turn."

"Our turn," Jasper corrected him raising an eyebrow in his brother's direction.

"Ok, fine. Our turn. Jasper and I were in charge of the dessert, Bells."

I opened my eyes afraid of what could happen now. In a blur, Emmet left the room and came back with like a dozen of small boxes. He spread them all over the table and looked at me excited.

"Pick one!"

"Emmet, what did you do?" I asked pretty worried.

"Emmet is not the best cook, and neither I am, so we went shopping." Jasper explained to me laughing in embarrassment.

"Chocolate! Of all kinds for our little sist-"

He stopped mid sentence as soon as he realized his mistake. He was about to say sister. A long time ago, that would have been normal as it was a real possibility. But now, I was just a fragile human hanging around with a vampire family. Nothing more than that.

My chest now was not only collapsing because of the pressure, but burning inside me. I stood up and left the room as fast as I could. I began to walk around the house to calm myself once more and, unlucky as I am, the first thing I found was the big piano that used to belong to Edward.

Carefully, I played the keys and the sound echoed in the entire house. I looked around waiting for someone to come, but they did not. I was sure they were trying to give me some privacy. I played the keys once more and all the happy memories I once had were in my mind, even the lullaby that was once played for me in that same piano.

Tears were falling down my cheeks and an immense sadness took over me. But it was a different sadness, one I have never experienced before. I did not feel sad because of the memories itself, but because I was finally aware of why I had felt so bad since Edward's departure.

I already knew I did not care about anyone or anything anymore. But now I understood that there was more than that.

I felt like I did not belong at all. I didn't belong with the Cullens, with Charlie or with my friends. I didn't belong to Forks.

It was some sort of epiphany that made me wake up from a long dream, a nightmare, actually. My life was empty and it didn't feel mine any longer.

I quickly left the house as I grabbed the keys of my truck, got in it and drove away, ignoring the Cullens' callings as they stood at the door asking me to stop.

I was now on my way of looking for the life I wanted, the one Edward had once promised me but also denied me when he left.

I was not going to be an outsider of my own life anymore. I would find my own way to reach eternity.

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A question for you, what is your favourite Bellward moment? 

Also, would you please recommend me a Twilight fanfic? Thanks! 

Love, Agus