An Average World Meeting

The very beginning...

Note from Switzerland: Fuck Germany. For some god damned reason, he's decided that from now on, a country would be selected randomly to keep a log of the world meetings in case something happens. And obviously, the very first time this was put into effect, I, Switzerland, was chosen out of the 195 countries in the world. Just my luck. There isn't even that much to record, the same stuff happens every meeting. Everyone comes in, some dumbass does something, and chaos ensues. Nothing gets done in the end. I guess I'll have to take notes, otherwise Germany will make Italy try to steal my guns again.
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Hmm, let's see...America was t-posing on the table, with Russia behind him snorting illegal memes. England was muttering gibberish at the wall with Romania at his side offering helpful criticism such as, "Mhm" and "Ah yes", and France was under the table, probably licking people's feet. Honkey Kong was running around shoving firecrackers up people's asses, Japan fainted because of the amount of blood he lost to his nose bleeding, and China was twitching erratically with a dull gleam in his eyes. If I am going to be honest, I was a few seconds away from joining him in his breakdown. Estonia was donating to female Twitch streamers on his laptop, with Latvia beside him, drinking morbidly from his booze jar. Ukraine breasted boobily as she tittied around, Belarus close behind. Poland ran around in a fluffy pink tutu, screaming, "AND I OOP SKSKSKSKSKSDNLNWWRFHFHHOUHCBCSKAWO", with Lithuania turning blueberry red at the sight. Hungary screamed "Hey gamers, what's up. I just lost my nae nae rights." and dabbed, which Austria responded with by expressing his deep sorrow through playing All Star on the otamatone. New Zealand planted weed in the corner of the room. Turkey took pictures of everything on his camera whilst't've'd Greece napped on his head in the fetal position. (Note to self: Get some of those pictures. I was running out of blackmail material anyway.)

I could go on, but by the time I finished putting down everything down on paper, my fingers would be gone, reduced to atoms. You get the idea. All in all, it was your average world meeting. It was playing out exactly like all the meetings that preceded it. Right around now, the room would erupt into even more chaos because Germany was being strangled by Romano again, and all the other serious people that cared were preoccupied (like Sweden liplocking with Finland.) But of course, I had to jinx it, because this meeting just had to turn out different from the usual meetings.
There was a sudden flash of white light. The quality then instantaneously dropped because the animators sucked balls. "Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this," I muttered. When the light faded, several 4 × 4 pixels strode around the room. A gold and red clad pixel strode towards where the Italy triplets were, and said regally, "What's up you twinks." Two women followed close behind, radiating hot single milfs in your area energy. They strode towards Greece and Egypt, arms open for an embrace. Both Mediterranean countries said "Who the fuck are you?"

With a start, I realized these were the ancient boomers that used to rule the Earth. Everyone that had appeared in the flash regrouped at the center of the table. The red and gold dots, who I realized was the Roman Empire, announced, "We have observed that some of you have been suffering in silence. In order to bring these issues to light, and to understand each other more, we have collected samples from each of your diaries. They are all contained in this book, and you will not be permitted to leave until you finish reading. More challenges await you, but it is only for your own good." They disappeared, and the quality went back to normal. Phew. I didn't want to spend more money on wifi. Come to think of it, this scene was playing out like all those Wattpad Hetalia diary fanfictions written six years ago that I mysteriously received on my doorstep one day, where this exact same situation happened.

Many countries were talking in hushed tones, and some were sweating bullets. I, personally, was fine, since I didn't keep a diary, and no one came up with any headcanons for me because they kept mistaking me for Poland.
"Ahem," Germany ahemed. "I'd rather we get over this, the sooner the better. I'll begin reading."
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To be continued...
(A/N: This is my first time writing crack, I hope I made you smile. Have a picture of mochi Switzerland with humongous shimmery anime eyes!)