Photograph - stylinson -

When I Give In, You'll Be Dead

After three months of staying with Harry it happened. Last night my heart stopped for a few minutes before starting up again. I don't know how things like that work, but god, I'm so lucky Harry woke up to go pee and kissed me when he got back in bed. 

Somehow he noticed the lack of my breath. Harry called the hospital then picked me up. That's all I remember. I'm awake now, and my heart won't seem to stop beating. It's too fast now. Like, can my heart just make up it's mind? Will it stop or keep beating until it just flies from my chest? I wish my heart would make up it's damn mind. 

"Louis... You need a new heart," My doctor says. "Or... Well, you might die." He's not looking at me, but at Harry. 

"I'm going to do it. I'll be your heart donor," Harry says. I turn to him. 

"Jesus, no! Do you understand that means you'll die?" I say. Why would he want to die for me? 

"It's better than you dying!" Harry shouts. 

"NOTHING IS BETTER THAN ME DYING!" I yell. Harry looks taken back, and I pass out. 

- 

Harry won't stop talking about giving me his heart. I keep telling him that when I accept his offer, he'll be long dead and so will I. 

"I don't see why you're so angry with this. I'm trying to help you," Harry says, he's getting stressed. I take my pad of paper from the table next to me and write down my complaint. 

I don't want you to die for me, Harry. I write. Harry rolls his eyes. 

"Then what will we do?" He asks, his voice cracking. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. 

"Not....hing," I whisper. Harry takes my hand in his. 

"Don't talk, Lou. I want you to go to sleep right now, okay? I'll be here when you wake up," Harry says. He kisses my forehead as I fall asleep. 

-

By the time I wake up Liam and Niall are in my room too. They're both sitting by my bed, watching me with sad eyes. I try and smile, but I know it's covered by my breathing mask. Harry isn't in my room, which makes me worry. 

"He's getting lunch," Liam says. I nod. I feel so weak. So helpless. Niall takes my hand in his. 

"You'll get better, Louis. I promise," He says. Niall starts to play with my hair before getting up and walking out of my room. I send Liam a questioning look, and see he's blinking back tears. 

"Sorry... It's just hard. We've only gotten you back and now we might lose you," Liam says. He wipes his eyes and takes my hand. "No matter what happens, we all love you, so, so much." I watch Liam, I watch his movements. I want someone to hold me. I slowly lift my arm and grab Liam's hand. I bring it to my cheek and just keep it there. Out of all the boys I think Liam is my best friend. He's the one I'm closest with. Closer than I am with Harry, too. "I'm so scared, Louis. I'm so, so scared." 

Me too, Liam. Me too. 

--
there's like... an epilogue left. 
oops. it's almost overrrrr....