Reckless (Reckless #1)

Reckless - Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Do you know that feeling of going through the motions; time just flying by?

That’s how the past weeks have been going by for me. It’s December 14. Three weeks after my whole world fell apart.

I’ve done the same thing every day: I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, and then go to sleep. I’ve been drowning myself in work, asking for more hours so I have something to keep myself occupied.

Melanie says I’m overdoing it; she swears I’m going to pass out from exhaustion any second now. I don’t care, though. It’s better than feeling the heart-filled pain.

I broke up with Chris about three weeks ago - two days after the street racing incident. He apologized for lying and I accepted because I knew what it felt like to be in shoes. I knew how it felt to be so guilty for something.

After he apologized, I also told him everything - all the secrets I had hid since I came to Ohio.

Luckily, he wasn’t mad about it; he said we all have something we want to keep to ourselves. He asked if we could still be friends and I told him that was fine. I needed a friend right now, especially since I lost one of the people who I care about.

Nash.

I haven’t seen him or heard from him ever since he kicked me out of his apartment. I don’t blame him; I would hate myself too.

I do hate myself. I hate myself for lying. I hate myself for hurting the people I care about. And I hate myself for falling in love with the one person who I knew I shouldn’t have.

There, I said it - I think I love Nash. Crazy, right?

I know it sounds crazy - how could I fall in love with him when I barely even knew him? It’s because I fell in love with his words - with his voice. I fell in love with his personality; arrogant and sweet. I fell in love with his mind and soul.

I fell in love with his heart.

But I’ve ruined everything. It can’t ever happen. It won’t ever happen. And that’s why I’m deciding to leave.

I called my father last week. I told him that I’m coming home. He was ecstatic, saying that he can’t wait to see me; that he missed me so much. He wanted me to come home right away, but I told him I had a few more things to do, a few more people to say goodbye to.

I haven’t told anyone that I’m leaving in a week. I won’t. I can’t. I think it would just tear things apart more than they already are.

I’m doing the right thing.

I know I am.

***

Walking up to Melanie’s apartment has brought on a sense of guilt and sadness. She asked me to come over so we could have a girl’s day out: go shopping, get our nails done, and all that. I hope I’ll be able to keep a smile plastered on my face.

One day until December 21. That’s all the time I have left here. I can’t tell her that I’m leaving. I want to, but I feel like she’ll find a way to make me stay.

And I can’t stay.

I knock on the door. Dan answers, and I softly smile. I haven’t seen the band in forever. They used to come around and hang out at the bar, sometimes even performing. But I haven’t seen them come around for a while.

“Melanie will be right out,” Dan says, motioning to come inside.

I shake my head, “I’ll wait out here, if that’s okay.”