Hidden Pride

It's So Dark Tonight, But You'll Survive Certainly

I couldn't go to sleep, I felt slightly more free than I used to. Even with this I still felt held down by fear. If everybody knew what would they say? Would my Dad disown me? I decided to get out of bed and go to the kitchen. Maybe if I sat down and had a glass of water I could relax.

John was already out in the kitchen when I got there. Hey glanced at me for a second before looking back down. I sat in the empt chair next to him. "Why are you up so late?" I kinda wish he wasn't up, it would've been nice to be alone. I like John but something about being around him was anxiety inducing but I still wanted to have him around. "I just couldn't stop thinking about something. What about you?"

"It's a lot of things, mostly just about the whole bi thing." It felt weird to admit to someone I tried to hard to keep it hidden but the whole act just fell apart. I mean I don't think it was ever working from the beginning. "Why did Jane break up with you on your birthday? It's pretty a scummy thing to do." I hadn't thought about her a lot mostly because of the stress of everything else. "She was the first person I told and she thought I was gonna go off and fuck guys. She called me a few timeshare night and told me I was lying about it."

"How did you ever date her?"

"Well it wasn't all bad, she was only a massive asshole when I told her I was bi. It's so weird to see her true colors show. I don't know where this came from." I looked at John for answers but he glanced away. Something happened didn't it? Something he never told me. "Well... she wasn't the nicest to me. She called me fag a few times while you weren't around and other things of that same nature."

Why didn't John tell me this? We weren't all that close before all of this, not to say we didn't hang out but I We didn't know a lot about each other past the basics. "Why didn't you tell me this?" John let out a tired sigh before answering. "If I told you would you even care? I mean we weren't all that close, plus her homophobia didn't affect you at the time."

He was probably right, I wouldn't have cared. I realize that makes me a shitty person, I ignore problems unless they affect me. "Sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I felt bad for being such a uneducated asshole. "It's fine, it doesn't really matter now."

"When Jane called me that night, she... she said I was lying. I wish I was, I mean everything would be easy." Maybe I didn't want it to be easy but the like it was before. I mean now wasn't so different than before but it was still different. "Well it's who you are and you might as well just accept it, there's no way to change it."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I hadn't heard anything from Jane in a while, none of our shared friends have said anything about her nor has she posted anything on any social media. She could just be taking a break or maybes she's planning something. I couldn't say for sure.

I'm sorry this chapter isn't as eventful but the next one will have a lot of tea.

Thank you for 1k and sorry about my inconsistent schedule my only excuse is life happened and I also became obsessed with Star Trek.