Hidden Pride

My Reputation's Never Been Worse, So You Must Like Me For Me

I opened my phone for the first time in a week. I didn't bother looking at any messages I saw glimpses of angry and supportive messages but I didn't want to read them. I went to my Step mom's number and called. My anxiety was rising to an almost unbearable degree but not quite.
"Hey, I've been trying to call you all week."
"Yeah sorry I just-" I trailed off not really knowing what excuse to give.
"It's fine. I hope you're okay."
"So Jane texted you?"
"Yes, is that what you're here to talk about?"
"Does Dad know?"
"No, I thought you should tell him if you wanted. If this is true then I just want to say I love you and I just want you to be happy. I know we don't know each other well and we've never really gotten along but it's true."

I could feel tears start to well up and my throat getting tighter. I let out a noise as I tried to clear my throat in an attempt to sound okay.
"Thank you." My voice managed to come off cracked so I thought I'd admit it. "It is true well some of it. I am bi I'm not dating John though."
"I'm so sorry this happened to you."
"It's fine."
"No it's not fine!" 
It was quite on the line for a few minutes. I thought of what I needed to do next. I think I should tell Dad.
"I think I'd like to tell him."
"Alright."

I waited a minute for her to hand to phone to Dad. I could feel the anxiety once again boil up to the surface it was worse than before. When I heard him grab the phone I took a deep breath that didn't help all that much.
"Hey Paul."
"Dad I'm bi! I like people!" I blurted out knowing if I hadn't I'd
"That's fine but a hi would've been nice." He joked. I let out a small laugh mostly out of relief not because I found the joke laughable.
"It's fine?"
"Of course it is! Did your mom never tell you what I said to you the day you were born?"
"No."
"Well I said: if you turn out to be gay then I won't love you any less."
"Thank you."
"No problem. Look I have to go I'm meeting up with some friends at McSquatter. I'll talk to you later."
"Later."

As I ended the call I felt all the stress disappear and was left exhausted.
"Did they take it well?"
"Yes actually! Better than I thought they would. I came out to both of them. Now that it's over I don't know what I was so afraid of."
"I'm so proud of you." John put his hand on my thigh but quickly moved it realizing how easily it could be misconstrued.

"Thanks, John." For a moment it was quiet so I thought I should be honest one more time.
"I need to tell you something, John." My anxiety rose again for the 3rd time today.
"What?"
"I think I like you." I didn't think there was a possibility he could love this. He had seen so breakdown and just be a disaster any possible interest he had would've been long gone. I already accepted that but I though I should be honest.
"Paul, I... no don't. You know how badly this could look to everyone." John walked away and out the door leaving me all alone.

Enjoy this angst! You deserve it (jk you don't)! I don't know why I keep writing these so short but here we are.