I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

20. Kellin

"You never speak about Josh," my mother pointed out that morning as we ate breakfast, cooked by Josh. "I mean, you two seem to be great friends!"

"Mhm," I mumbled as I cut up my pancake.

"Oh, come on Oli, how did you two meet?"

I shrugged. "Ran into each other."

"Oh, well isn't that great."

I knew what my mother was doing. After Kellin, she was hopeful I'd find someone again. But I only became closed off and rarely spoke to anyone. Josh was the only chance she had, and fortunately for her yet unfortunate for me, I was undoubtedly falling for him.

"Well, your son is very kind, Mrs. Sykes," Josh chimed in. "He's a great friend."

Friend. But what were we really? We had sex, we kissed after sex. He broke up with Teresa over me. He said he'd make things work between us. That meant something, right?

My mother giggled. "Well, it's great to see my son making friends. Oli, have you met any other people recently?"

I stabbed, rather aggressively, into a pancake slice. "Nope."

"Well, um, is it okay if I steal Oliver for the day?" Josh asked.

"Of course!" My mother nodded eagerly.

Upon finishing our food, Josh grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door. "I'm taking you to meet a friend of mine," he said before I could ask.

"Oh, great," I mumbled sarcastically. We eventually came across a park. Josh sat down on the swings while I sat beside him.

"He should be here any minute. So last night, what was up?" Josh asked me abruptly.

"I-I-" What did I tell him? 'Oh, you know, I was panicking because nothing matters and I didn't like that. But then I thought you matter and well, yeah.'

"You can talk to me, Oli." There was a look in his eyes, hopeful, pleading, concerned. I hated it. He was soon distracted though. "Oh, you're here!" Josh stood and rushed over to his 'friend.'

"Oli, this is Vic, Vic, this is Oli!"

I slowly followed Josh to the familiar boy standing beside him.

"Oh, we uh, know each other," Vic said with a smile.

"Oh, that's great!" Josh cheered, obviously oblivious.

"How are you, Oli?" Vic asked me.

"Great," I muttered.

Josh, still oblivious, went on rambling to Vic. I followed slowly behind, not really listening. My hands were in my pockets as I kicked at the rocks on the ground.

"Oh, Oli, I have someone else you should meet!" He said with a giggle. Oh, great.

I didn't think it'd be bad. I didn't think it would shock me so much upon seeing him. It's obvious now, isn't it? Once Vic came in it was predictable.

"Meet Kellin, Vic's boyfriend!" Josh introduced happily.

I stared at Kellin, and he stared back with a pitiful look. I felt dead, I was dead.

I didn't care anymore. Kellin broke my heart, I loved him and he loved someone else, he left me for someone else. It wasn't his fault, I don't think. But it didn't make it any less painful. Kellin hurt me, and his fault or not, I couldn't face him.

"Josh, I'm heading home," I murmured and turned to start walking back. But my body felt heavy, I didn't want to move. I dragged my feet, they grazed the ground.

"Are you alright?" Josh stopped me and stared at me concerned.

"Mhm." I flashed a smile and continued walking, letting Josh break the tension and hang out with Vic and Kellin. Because I wasn't fun. I was boring, I was sad, I was a letdown, I was imperfect. I made it all about me, and I hated that the most.

Oh, poor me, so sad. Drowning in my own pity party.

If I left, if I died, no one would have to deal with me anymore. I was deadweight on everyone's shoulders. I thought my death would mean nothing, and in the big picture it would, but it would also make everyones lives so much easier.

I collapsed on my bed when I arrived home and recieved a text from Josh.

'We're talking when I get back'

Oh, great. He was coming over again.

'Don't bother' I texted back. Don't waste any more of your time on me Josh.

'Too bad. I'll be back in a few hours'

I sighed, finding it pointless to argue and waste his time further. Instead I closed my eyes and slept.

~~

Kisses. I woke up to soft kisses being littered all over my face. My cheeks, chin, mouth, eyes, forehead, temple. I giggled, finding out it was Josh doing the assault and pulled him into my arms.

He smiled and cuddled into my chest, staring up at me. "Goodmorning, sleepyhead."

"Isn't it the afternoon?"

"Yeah, but you just woke up. And you've barely eaten today, so I ordered pizza," Josh explained.

"Mkay." I kissed him, savoring the taste of his lips. "What are we?" I asked.

"I don't know. I didn't even know I liked guys," Josh murmured. "So, what happened earlier today?"

I didn't respond to his question and quickly changed the subject. "What kind of pizza did you buy?"

"Oliver." Josh grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "Talk to me," he pleaded, his eyes holding so much desperation.

"I just.. Kellin is my.. ex." Would that set Josh off? Kellin was my ex, what would Josh think of me knowing I had been in love with his friend?

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should've known-"

"You couldn't have known. Relax, I'm okay now, with you." I kissed his chin, and as he had done, began kissing all over his face while he giggled and tried to push me away.

"You're beautiful," I sighed dreamily.

"Same to you."

I fell asleep holding him, with a warm feeling in my chest that made me smile non stop. I was falling for Josh Franceshi, the blue eyed boy. And I was okay with it.

~_~_~_~

we're getting there-

originally i added a loophole to the story and olis past but i based the guys actions off a guy i know who did that to me and then realized they have the same name

this also worked better
so here u have it

sorry chapters are short recently
im tired and igot so much inspo but i try to write and cant carry it out

anyhoe
here u go
it ryhmes~