I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

11. Take a Hint

Nothing lasts forever.

What a sad, yet comforting fact. I mean, to some, they'd panic. Nothing lasts forever, and it's beyond true, so one would normally think of everything they hold dear, and how it could and would be ripped away from them somehow, someday. I think that's okay, I think that's good. I won't last forever, my mistakes won't last forever. That's comforting. My family won't last forever, but I blocked them out so neither of us would be hurt when someone dies. I mean, it's not like they'd care about my death whether I spoke to them as frequently or not.

I don't know what I was holding on for. Really, the whole gift thing was bullshit. I didn't care about paying my family back. I didn't really have to pay them back for anything. Well, not necessarily. I guess I should thank my parents for raising me, but did I ask to be born? Did I want to be born? You take a guess.

Nonetheless, I wasted my time getting them. Whether I was stalling or actually gave a damn for my family. Both seemed like bullshit. I did care about them more than the average person, they were my family after all, but I'd been heartbroken, and I couldn't trust even them. They could leave at any second, backstab me, die, disappear. It was too much of a risk. My life was already so pitiful, why add more to the pile.

Maybe I was scared. I don't think so. I'm not scared to die, I welcome death with open arms. I think maybe, through my stubborn thick skull, I still have hope I can get better. Death prevents that, and I hold on. I make useless reasons. They shouldn't matter, but I let them matter. And now I'm still here.

I guess I'll just have to keep putting up with existing for a few weeks, no longer than a month. My birthday is two months away to the date, I don't plan on making it to Halloween, or keeping that promise.

So, Sunday afternoon, I went out shopping. My family had been confused by the gifts, but accepted them gratefully. My brother promised he'd repay me, though I doubt he'd live up to that. My father had already begun planting, which I was happy about. At least I did something right, even if it was small and wouldn't go far, wouldn't go anywhere, actually. As for my mom, she binged that book within a night, and happily forgave me on my behavior in the past few days.

My father had given me a bit of cash when I announced I was going out, so I could easily pay for my things. What I didn't expect was to run into Josh Franceshi. Again.

"Hey Oli!" He greeted me, all too cheerfully, might I add. I just remembered how much I despise cheerful people.

"What're you doing here?" I hissed, gripping my plastic bag.

"Um.. shopping?" He chuckled. "What did you get?" Before I could respond with an angry remark, Josh had grabbed my bag and stuck his face inside, glancing at what I'd bought. I ripped the bag from his hands defensively.

"What the hell? Don't just grab my things like that," I growled.

"I'm sorry." Josh frowned, staring at me. "I just- Those are a lot of pencil sharpeners," he commented quietly.

"Yeah, I lose them easily," I shrugged it off, though knowing it was futile to try and lie to him.

"Oli, please don't-"

"Does it look like I care? Does it look like I want your help? Take a hint, Josh, I've been ignoring you the past week for a reason," I hissed and brushed past him, purposely bumping his shoulder.

I didn't look behind me to see his expression, though I guess it was of hurt. I'll admit, I felt a bit bad, he was just trying to be nice - to help, but he had to realize somehow when someone doesn't want help, to leave them alone. To leave me alone.

I had all the help I needed. Right in my plastic bag.

~_~_~_~

Tis short but I'm just amazed I got this done because the original draft was me failing at writing and giving up at the first glance of my unfinished chapter

Alright I wuuuuuuuuv youuuuuu

Take care! ^~^ and if you dont, angy Sweepy is gonna come after u!! Aaaand she gonna tickle you till you're crying

No wait I dont want you to cry um-

I'm gonna gnote you
Or darling you'll be okay you because personally that's my gnote
Ooooohhh or-

You get the point
<3!