I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

1. Red

I forgot to put a trigger warning in the desc and frankly this chapter w i l l be triggering to some so, keep that in mind

I know some people dont pay attention to this, even though it does trigger them. So please, for my sake and yours, do not read after Oli runs into josh if you get triggered by things such as self harm, because I want you guys to be safe

I love you lil fucks! <3

~_~_~_~

People. They're too optimistic, too fake, too annoying, too dense, too.. human.

If I could be alone 24/7, I most definetly would. If you can't already tell, people and human interaction aren't my speciality. I have to be fake, a trait I highly dislike. But if I'm real I'm classified as a freak, which maybe I am. But what's a freak in the first place? Someone who doesn't fit in? For christ sake-

I'm getting in my head again. Stay in the present, stay where you are. It's what I tell myself to avoid panicking. At least in public, but when I'm alone I let it all out. I might break down, it might get bad, but it won't affect anything other than make me more motivated to get to what I've been planning all along. It never mattered anyway, nothing does. Though I guess I've been pretty clear on my opinions on that, maybe a little too clear. Have I scared you off? Annoyed you with my redundantness? Oh well, it won't matter. Not just because nothing does- but we all know the end of this story already. You'll read this, maybe you'll cry if you get attached to me, which doesn't make sense nor is something you should do, and then you'll move on. Everyone does at some point. They have to. Or they grieve themselves to death and, well, that's the end.

Nothing ever ends happily.

Happily ever after always annoyed me. Well, when I was a kid it was the best. The sweetest. Everything ended happily, or so I told myself. Deep down, I probably knew that was bullshit. Nothing ends happily ever after. Something comes along to fuck that up and you die some way. You die with regrets, no matter how fulfilled  you make yourself. Will I die with regrets? I don't know. I put my mindset the way it is, I don't have regrets because regrets are pointless when nothing matters and you don't need to regret something that will be forgotten.

So no, I won't die with regrets.

I'll die peacefully, finally free. Whether I go somewhere afterwards or I'm done, lost, six feet under and souls are just made up shit. I died and that's that; the end-

As usual, I got lost in my thoughts. With that, I didn't pay attention and as karma ran into some poor boy.

"Sorry," I muttered, even so feeling no feeling for what I'd done. It was his fault really- Or maybe it wasn't, who gave a fucking damn?

"Watch where you're going," he hissed. I snorted, how original of you.

"Okay." I rolled my eyes and stood up, brushing my things off. I then caught the eyes of the stranger. Blue. Some would say beautiful, maybe. That is if they weren't bloodshot. Of course. He was probably my age, maybe older. That being no surprise to me with what was probably happening to him.

"Stoner," I mumbled with a scoff and brushed past him.

"Excuse me?" He barked, grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

I yelped, kind of like a dog when their owner is scolding them for shitting on the white carpeted family room. "Let me go." I ripped my arm from his grip.

The blue eyed boy rolled his eyes. "You're so overreactive," he teased. "And for the record, it's rude to call someone a stoner."

"It's also rude to grab someone, or blame them for running into you," I hissed, turning around and walking into the cafe I'd been meaning to get to in the first place. I wasn't in the mood for dealing with people like him.