Spinning

Chapter 15: Sand everywhere, Jan everywhere

**~Shmutz warning~**

I know Jordan is not the easiest character to love, but I promise there's a reason for it!

                                                                                      ****

I don't like happy people, but, goddamn it, call me a hypocrite because I was so goddamn happy during that cab ride. Eddie was boiling with putrid anger and I could've broke out into a can-can line while singing falsetto.

Eddie confirmed I was his girlfriend, his only girlfriend, said he doesn't mess around (which remains to be proven) and that when jealous fan girls call me a bitch, he takes that unjust hatred very personally. I was so happy.

Eddie looks like he might implode. He is trying his hardest to contain his anger, a task with a high-energy cost, and finally he nearly collapses into himself, weary from the interview, the concert, our theatric departure, and his goddamn overwhelming emotions. During this time, I wanted to caress his topless chest, hug him, love him, but I knew he was past the point of reciprocating any emotion other than anger. I let him be, watching him writhe in contained anger towards his stardom while my heart balloons and soars with love.

I direct the driver to my apartment because I don't even know Eddie's goddamn address. Eddie's goddamn girlfriend doesn't know where he lives.

"Eddie," I ask softly, "what's your address?" I asked more so to satisfy my own curiosity than to redirect our cab.

"Your place is fine," is the only response I get. Where the hell is his goddamn apartment?

We pull up, and Eddie slowly gets out. His motions are lifeless as he steps into another thought dimension. His brow is all knotted up and his eyes wild. He's standing in the road, oblivious to the cars passing just inches from his back.

I hook my arm in Eddie's and walk him to safety. I look up and see several lights on from the depths of my apartment. Goddamn it. Matt is home. I can't bring Eddie upstairs with such prying eyes in his current state. With no real plan, I redirect our path down the road. Eddie stalks beside me without comment.

My feet take us to the beach. I use my periphery to see if Eddie remembers this location. His eyes are only dark; I'm not even sure he knows I'm next to him. I see goose bumps creep across Eddie's arms and chest but he doesn't register the cool near-autumn breeze. His hand grips his corduroy jacket but he makes no move to put it on. I want to put it on, goddamn it. Is that selfish?

We are both sitting in the sand, watching the planes land one after another. Well, I am at least. I can't tell what Eddie sees. A vortex is circling inside of him, but so far he has contained it. I expect it to burst soon.

Goddamn it, it's cold. I don't want to stay out here any longer. The planes are too repetitive and the moon is only a sliver, so I can't watch the waves crash or appreciate the tautness of Eddie's shoulder muscles. Darkness encases us both, but Eddie doesn't stir so I don't stir. It's been almost an hour since we've had any meaningful talk.

I can't goddamn take it. The wind is soft but the sweet summer warmth has dissipated. I wrap my arms around Eddie's bicep, pulling myself closer to him. His fury must be warming him from within, because his skin is still hot to the touch.

The moment my hands touch his skin, I am electrocuted. He is electrocuted. Eddie whips his head around as I lean against his shoulders. I don't move. My movements are purposefully slow and delicate to temper whatever internal inferno blazes within. But his skin is electric, and my heart pulses faster the longer we are in contact. I'm just happy he is showing signs of life again.