Dear My Devil

15 | kitten-like lips

The moment of Kim Jongdae taking away my first kiss.

...

Jongdae walked me up until a turning corner before we planned to part. I was leaving for the girl's dorm and this was the furthest he could take me in case someone saw us together.

"You know," Jongdae calmly started. "When I told you I won't apologise for what I said to you as a coach..."

"I know," I managed half a smile. I thought we were over that.

"It doesn't mean I won't hear you out," Jongdae reached down to hold both my hands. "Just promise me you won't do that in front of other people." He squeezed my hands assuringly. "Whenever you feel frustrated, angry or upset... vent it out on me. I'll be the one to hear you out, okay?"

I nodded obediently, smiling in sealed lips as his sincerity warmed my heart. It's been so long since I was honest with my feelings and I was glad it turned out well. Thanks to him,  I was slowly gaining back confidence to express myself. My courage, my happiness, the assurance he gave me, everything that I had right now was because of Jongdae.

With him, I trust that I could be better and happier than before.

"Goodnight," I said shyly as we exchanged looks affectionately.

"Goodnight, little devil." He lightly pinched my cheek.

"Even you're calling me that?" I laughed.

"I'm not the only one?"

"There is someone," I nodded, getting reminded of Jaehyun for this nickname. "Just someone I know."

"Anyway, before I forget, I wanted to wish you all the best for showcase tomorrow. Just remember that I'm still your coach and I'm not going to be biased to you."

"Of course," I continued to smile sweetly. This was me unleashing my girly side and I couldn't help it with Jongdae staring back at me. "I trust you." And that was me finally freeing the words from the bottom of my heart.

...

Sunday finally came and showcase happened in front of three judges. One was Jongdae, and two others were guest panelists whose name I don't remember. Our performance went well, or at least I think it did. Unlike the first showcase, this stage left me with no regrets because I was finally able to sing to my heart's content. For once, I felt like my voice was heard, and heard by Jongdae, which was extremely gratifying.

Based on this performance, we were re-evaluated on our vocal skills and regrouped to prepare for the next project. Where everyone was already anticipating that project, here I was wishing that I would upgrade from a C to a B. The confidence I had before was killed when they put me on the same level with Yuri because ew, there was nothing about her that I admired.

And if the judges leveled me with her, it meant that there was nothing about me for people to admire either. I always shuddered at that comparison because I once believed I was something more. If this re-evaluation puts me and Yuri together again, I definitely have to reflect on myself.

I also don't think I'll be able to face Jongdae if I stayed as a class C trainee.

In the evening, the trainees gathered in the main hall again for Sohee to make the next announcement. We sat with our groups while waiting for her to appear, and that meant that I had to deal with Yuri's face until we were dismissed for the day. I tried, tried, tried so hard to ignore her but Yuri had this tendency to stare at me. Don't ask me why, I don't know what's her problem.

"Do you guys have a boyfriend?" She suddenly popped a question out of nowhere. Mine, Hera and Lia's attention immediately went to her.

"That's random," Hera commented. "But no, isn't that a given? As trainees, we're not allowed to date."