The Aftermath of Pleasure (SPG)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven | Normal Relationship

Hindi sinagot ni Mamita ang tawag ko kinabukasan. Or the day after. Si Gae lang ang sumagot sa mga tawag ko, at wala naman itong problema.

She informed me that she had booked a ticket for her and Lascaux and that they were to leave Los Angeles sooner than expected. Dahil may mga papeles pa siyang dapat asikasuhin, their flight would be two weeks from now.

At first, I felt so overwhelmed by how fast everything was going. Zach just asked me to marry him when I felt ready. But where are we in our relationship right now? It felt suspended. Everything felt unreal and unofficial. Hindi ko alam.

At paano ko ba ipapakilala si Lascaux sa kanya? Hey, Zach, dude, this is your son. You know, the one that I kept from you for years. And I'd promised myself I would never let him meet you. But I guess I changed my mind. Ganoon ba? How would Zach take it? Last week, he didn't bring up the topic anymore. Maybe he's waiting for me to voluntarily tell him?

And what about the Vice Presidency? Am I supposed to forget that it happened? What am I to make of Shai's letter? Ni hindi ko pa nabibisita. And, my gosh, how is Stefan? It has been days since my last call!

Halos mahilo ako sa bilis ng daloy ng mga tanong. I am enjoying myself right now, but isn't there so much to unpack?

I sighed. Maybe I'm just nervous. Overwhelmed. I forced myself to stop overthinking.

Ngayong araw ay umuwi ako sa condominium unit ko. Zach has returned to his usual schedule. He's in his office right now, and constantly texting me. Ako naman ay bukas pa babalik sa trabaho.

Hinilot ko ang aking sentido. My phone pinged again. Dinungaw ko iyon.

Zach:
What are you doing right now?

A smiled a little at the text. I wanna reply, but I know he's in a meeting, at marami pa akong kailangang gawin.

First, I cleaned the entire unit. I vacuumed, washed the laundry, wiped the windows. I folded my clothes. I need the cabinet space for Lascaux's things. I invited Gae to stay with us, pero aniya'y uuwi daw siya sa probinsya niya sa Nueva Vizcaya. I'd have to meet her to fetch Lascaux, and she'd be on her way to Luzon. After that, I called Lara to see how Stephan was doing. Stable naman daw. I promised to visit, but she told me it was unnecessary in a panicky tone.

The phone pinged a couple of times. Pero alam kong madi-distract lang ako kung sasagutin ko. I noticed that Zach's really into texting these days. I continued to do my chores.

At around lunch, may kumatok sa unit ko. My brows furrowed as I scrambled to open the door.

"Delivery for Thalia Cecilia," A deep voice said as I opened the door.

I gasped as I saw Zach standing tall in front of me. He was holding a paper bag. He looked so out of place with his black suit and a lone kraft bag. I burst out laughing as my mood lifted.

"Oh my God!" I gasped playfully, "Detective, how did you find me?"

Zach chuckled and pushed the door a little. I welcomed him in. He stopped to look around my unit.

"I asked Cherry Ann where your unit was," Aniya, his rock-salt rasp voice echoing around the room.

Zach crinkled his nose, "Ayaw kasi mag reply."

I laughed again. Parang highschooler lang?

Zach was only supposed to stay for lunch. He brought two steaks for us to eat. But he later insisted on spending the afternoon with me. We spent it on the small patio of my unit. Zach took off his coat and tie, and loosened his polo. The chaise lounge chair that came with the patio was too small for Zach's large frame. I sat in between his legs as he leaned back. Sobrang uncomfortable siguro naming tingnan. But as I leaned on his chest, and as his fingers lazily touching my stomach, I felt like there was no place I'd rather be.

We talked, joked, and laughed as we took in the sunset. Ni hindi ko namalayan ang oras. I stared at his hand, slightly brushing it with mine.

"What happened after I left?" I started.

Isang buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan niya. The way his breath grazed my neck sent shivers down my spine.

"So much. And all at once," He said. Akala ko wala nang dugtong, but he breathed in to speak.

"After I was informed that you left, I went to confront Shai. I knew that she was dying. All I wanted was a peaceful resolution for our relationship, and I wanted to ask for her forgiveness for everything that I had done to your friendship. But I was angry, and I was desperate to find you. It took everything in me to march to a dying woman's door and hurt her even more with my words. Only that, to me, she wasn't only a dying woman. She was my best friend. She helped me go through so much-- when my parents simultaneously passed away, when I had to take over the company. Nasa tabi ko 'yun lagi, eh."

"And I tried to understand why she drove you away. I tried to make her understand that it's always been you, and that you were carrying our child," suminghap siya, "But she'd screamed at me again and again. Sinumbat niya sa akin ang lahat ng hindi ko kayang ibigay sa kanya. She told me that she loved me."

"And it was so fucking hard to see her break down like that. Gago, parang mas gusto ko nalang na tumalon galing sa condo niya. She was so angry. I was so angry at her. And like a fucking coward, I left her unit without resolving anything..."

I cupped his hands, trying to comfort him.

"... And she passed away the week after. Ni hindi ako nakapag-sorry. Ni hindi ako nakapag-pasalamat. Kung alam ko lang, I would've dropped down on my knees to beg for her forgiveness. I would've married her right on the spot. I would've apologize for the fact that I couldn't love her the way she needed to be loved. Would've confessed to her that I tried so hard to fall in love-- only to fail for every time your face reflected on my mind. Hell, I would've told her that I loved her. But I was so fucking selfish," Zach took his hand away from me to crinkle his nose. I realized he was crying.

I turned to face him, worried. I reached for the tears in his cheeks, and slowly wiped it away.

"But love is selfish sometimes, baby. Sometimes, love would rather see the whole world burn so long as its flames wouldn't touch the lover."

I cupped Zach's face and gave him the gentlest kiss. He continued to tell me about how he tried to contact everyone who knew me. How he was so close to hiring a private investigator. How he'd driven to Badian to ask about my family. But in all his attempts, he failed.

Sa unit ko natulog si Zach. I stared at his sleeping face, the lights of the city dancing around the beautiful angles of his face. Tila nawala lahat ng alinlangan sa aking isip. Just how far would people go for love? When does the lover end and the monster begin?

Alam kong tumawid din ako sa hangganan para sa kanya. I, too, was a monster. But looking at his peaceful face, I think I would've done it all over again: the pain, the betrayal, the loneliness. All of it for Zachary. All of it for my love.

Kinabukasan, sabay kaming pumunta sa CFCV. The building and the aura of the company still intimidated me. And there was still the unresolved matter of the Vice-Presidency. I annoyed Zach on the whole car ride about it. Pero iling lamang ang sukli niya. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think that this is serious, but I am incompetent for the position. And the Vice-Presidents were almost always the educated wives of the last three generations of Corpuzes.

Zach distracted me the whole week. There was no talk of the Vice-Presidency, no meetings held. I never saw Laia Alverastine for the entire week. He insisted that I be relocated to his office. Nahuli ko ang naliitong tinginan ng mga empleyado. Ang multo ng ngiti sa labi ni Cherry Ann. I would notice their stares, hear their whispers. But I didn't think much of it.

Minsan, Zach spends the night on my condo. Minsan, ako sa kanya. We would eat lunch together. We went out. Bought groceries. We washed the dishes together. Showered together. We talked a lot. I'd tell him about my life in Los Angeles, and he would listen intently, but he never brought up Lascaux. I was always at the brink of telling him, but I wanted to wait until Lascaux arrives.

Sabi niya, gagawin namin ang lahat ng bagay na hindi namin nagawa noon.

A normal relationship, he said.

Ni hindi ko namalayan na lumipas na pala ang dalawang linggo.

I was ready to tell him about Lascaux.