Never Been Kissed

Ch.48 ↬ M

Raegan told.

Initially I was incandescent with fury at her betrayal, but then I realised that another emotion was nudging over that and I could identify it as hopefulness. Josh was here. With me. Right in front of me.

I wasn't mad at Raegan. Of course she'd tell him. How could I have expected her to swear me to secrecy when it could have intervened with her relationship with Vincent and friendship with Josh? That was selfish of me, but that was unsurprising. I'd been so incredibly selfish in the past few months.

Telling him that I wasn't strong enough to come back to Riverside was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I took the coward's way out by texting it to him. I hated that about me. As soon as I sent it, I expected to be inundated with calls and messages and pleas, but instead there was nothing. Nothing at all. It made me wonder whether I made him wait for too long.

Josh was handsome and charming and out-of-this-world. Of course he'd find someone else who he could be happy with, regardless of the lack of relationships he's had in his past. Of course he'd move on. Why was I stupid enough to believe I was different for him?

But he was here. In the flesh. And he did not look the least bit happy.

Neither did I, and I was sure he could view that on my face. I felt broken. Not even heartbroken; just broken. Just a shell without a soul. I'd been trying to sleep but even my body failed to dip into that desired slumber. Instead I lay there awake, alert... broken.

I had no idea what to say to Josh. Considering the lack of contact from him since I sent that text—which I now realised was because he was driving out to me—I'd had no time to prepare what I could say and do.

So I shut the door in his face.

Or at least I tried to.

Josh, quick as ever, stuck his foot out and the door caught on his shoe. I didn't even try and force his foot away, I just released my hold on the door and Josh seized the opportunity to push it open, striding wordlessly past me and into the room. I felt his ire radiating off him, but it didn't make me fearful. Maybe it was the adrenaline that I could feel spicing my veins, my heartbeat accelerating manically.

With Josh now behind me, I shut the door softly, clicking the lock in place. As I turned around, I met his gaze instantaneously. He was already watching me, eyes dark, lips together. He looked so agonisingly good like that with his faded jeans that hugged his legs just enough to entice you. And I was enticed.

I was way beyond enticed by this point.

I was hopelessly head-over-heels in love with Josh Kelly.

And it was killing me.

He held my gaze for a few agonising beats before announcing, "I'm not leaving here without you."

"I'm not coming back," I said defiantly. "I can't come back."

He turned away only briefly, the muscle in his jaw jumping. My gaze seemed fixated on it, knees jellified by the sight of him. Did he know how handsome he was? How utterly charming and attractive and how much sex appeal he had?

"Do you not get it?" Josh replied, an edge to his voice I was unfamiliar with. "I'm not leaving this fucking hotel or this fucking town without you. There's no way I'm losing you. Not again. It killed me to just be friends with you, but to never see you again and never hear your voice? Jesus, just bury me."

"That town holds too much pain for me."

"Then why did you even bother to come back in the first place?"