Older Brothers | ✔

t h i r t y n i n e

"Somebody needs to take me shopping the next days so I can buy some." Our father laughed and showed us a teething smile.

"I can take you." Caleb suggested, giving him a small smile back.

"I know what my boys would like, but what abou you, Lilith?" 

My bottom lip trembled for a second. Everytime he said my name I had the urge to choke up, like my name was some forbidden word, something I heard for the first time.

"I don't need anything."

"Come on, every teenage girl has something she wants!" His eyes sparkled, as he waited for me to answer him.

"I think you misunderstood, I don't need anything from you." I hissed out, the way he looked at me made me forget the way he let me feel for years.

How dare he come back and know that he must stay with me, he pulls out some kind of father acting. 

He maybe my father, but he isn't my Dad. 

"Lilith." Victor admonished me, his eyes bored holes into me that I decided to ignore.

"Thank you, but I don't need any kind of gift from you." I rephrased my sentence to sound polite.

"You, why? I really try to be kind to you, Lilith, but you block everything I tried for the past hours." The man sighed, his hand went through his hair, as he clicked his tongue and looked at his precious boys.

"Where was your kindness when I first met you?" I couldn't believe his  nerves, who does he think he is, to talk like I am the bad one here.

"We shouldn't talk about the bad days, on such a happy occasion." Jon tried to soothe us, he waved with his hands and glanced at my brothers to get help.

"Lilith is right, Dad you called her an accident, what do you expect from her?"  Elijah hit with his palm against the table, making his father furrow his eyebrows.

"Thats how it is, I just stated the facts to her, I had five sons at home and Lilith was never planed to happen, I made sure to pay them money so she would have a decent life." He blurted out, gritting his teeth, like he was thinking back on all the mistakes he made.

I was one of them.

"Stop calling her an accident." Caleb shook his head, screwing his face up in disappointment.

Our father licked his lips, visibly overwhelmed of what he should say next. "Lilith please, it-. I needed to take care of the boys, they lost their mother and I couldn't take their father away from them as well."

"You were my father, too." A heartbroken sob escaped my mouth. "I never asked you to abandon my brothers, it would have been enough to know that I had a father, to had someone that turly love me, but even that was to much to ask, wasn't it?"

My voice got louder and the tears collected themselves in the edge of my eye. "In the end I will be forever an accident in your eyes. Even though I lived my whole life longing for a father that saw me as a burden he needed to pay money to."

"You are my daughter. I-If I knew that you never received the money or that they treated you so badly, I would-. I would-:" He stuttered out, his legs and fingers shacking as he tried to stand up and his hands reaching out for me.

My expression changed to a horrified one. "Don't you dare touch me."

My widened eyes stared at him, I stood up from the table, taking steps away from him, the last man that wanted to be my father wasn't just touching me, I won't fall for this another time. "You may be the father of my siblings, but you are not mine."

Jon's eyes met mine, he held back tears as he bit his lips, watching our argument. While Victor clasped his hands together, but he didn't seem angry. 

Proud, the way he looked at me, he seemed proud.

"You, I am you father, I know I didn't act like that, but, please, I love you the same way I love you brothers, let us start over." He pleaded out. "I am here now, I will be a better father to you, Lili."

The tears flooded down my cheeks, as I heard this nickname.

"Lili, dear." My mother called for me, before Simon came into our life. "Lili, where is my little angel hiding?"

"You have no right to call me that name." I cried out, my face screwed up as I shook my head to forget this heartwrenching memory.

"Lili." He called out once again.

"If you loved me.-like my brothers." I stared down, clenching down on the brown fabric of my dress. "Why'd you even leave me in the first place?"

"Forgive me, my child." He fell down from his chair, sitting on his knees, his mouth opening and closing again, like he run out of words. 

"You didn't even tell us, that we had a sister." Elijah said in frustration. "Dad, I don't know how to look and feel around you."

"Eli, I-"

"This isn't something we can solve in one day." Victor interrupted him. "We all have our doubts now, but for us boys, you are still our Dad, so we will find a way to get through this."

Hope filled the eyes of our father.

"I can't speak for Lilith and she has every right, to treat you the way she does, Lilith is legally my child, so you have no rights over her. If you want this rights, you need to earn her forgiveness." Victor took a sip from his glass of water.

"I will, I will beg for forgivness, everyday, Lilith, I will show you." Our father stood up, a hopeful smile formed on his lips, as he sat back down.

"Before you ask for forgivness, dad." Jon's voice was deep, but soft. "You should start with forgiving yourself."

"Jonathan is right." Xander nooded. "How can you ask for forgiveness, when you can't evn forgive yourself."

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

"Dad may told you off on your first meeting, but when it was our turn to visit him, he cried our whole conversation." Caleb explained to me, eyeing his father, that seemed embarrassed.

"We have a long way to go till we become a real family again, it may take ages to clean up this mess." Victor breathed out. "But is there any way to start, Lilith?"

I closed my mouth, sitting back on my chair, letting all this information sink in.

I didn't expect all of my brothers to be on my side, even if Victor disagreed with me speaking impolite to our father, he still stood up for me.

He even called me his child, it made me feel warm inside.

My eyes drifted to the Christmas decoration on the table. I really want to have a wonderful and fun Christmas.

It didn't make sense, that my father talked so harshly to me, but cried afterwards.

But then I remembered the last sentences we exchanged with one another on that day.

"There is a way." I whispered, the room turned quiet, as they waited for me to speak. "The bear."

"What?" He wanted to know.

"If you find the same bear you bought for me fifteen years ago and give it to me on Christmas, I won't say I forgive you, but it will be a start."

A smile formed on Jon's lips, he had the same proud look Victor had on his face.

Even Caleb, Xander and Elijah seemed satisfied with my decision.

"Deal." Our father spoke out determined.