Unquenchable

Lost In Paradise

It may be wrong but it feels right. To be Lost in Paradise.

                                          -Lost in Paradise, Rihanna

March 2019

    It has been almost a year since my entire world crashed. 8 months since I've been a therapy regular. 64 weeks since i accepted that the love of my life and I will never be together and I'm finally okay. Never thought it would be possible but here I am. Active in my community, running my small business every night & socializing as I should be. I've seen Trey around and it hasn't bothered me. Justin & I cut ties & he's expecting two children.... by different women. Bullet dodged. I'm always with one of my closest friend Alayna, between her and my best friend Nia they keep me sane. One thing in life that is constant is change. Peace & Quiet was never really an option for me but I REALLY had hope. On the other hand some things never change. 

  It was late evening when my phone pinged while i sat at the bar day drinking with my girls. We did this often, alcohol was my best friend. It numbed the pain and freed me to do things i was hesitant to usually do. 

"How are you Rayne?" I choked as I read the text. 

Should I respond? If you do, he's going to think he has a chance. If you don't it proves you aren't really over him. 'What the Hell am i supposed to do?' I thought. 

My girls to busy screaming "cheers to rich niggas" didn't notice my reaction. I did my best to keep a poker face and "ayeeee'd" with them. 

My phone pinged again.

"You look well, I'm happy for you." he double texted. 

He doesn't seem like he's up to anything. Obviously my guard was down. I have had so much time to vent and let go of the hurt and hate I had for him this didn't ring off as a red flag to me. It seemed genuine. So, you know what I did. 

"I'm well & yourself, hope everything is great on your end." I replied. 

As I look up to laugh at Nia roasting someone walking in the door, my phone instantly pinged off again. Damn it wasn't even a minute yet. 

"I'm good, taking care of myself. Working just moving forward & doing my best to be better. " I busted out lin laughter as I opened the contact to make sure this was Trey's number. Although it wasn't saved i knew it by heart. Yep, it was him alright. I composed myself and decided to keep it platonic and clean. No shade, No option for a possible argument. Protect your peace at all cause. 

"That is amazing, i'm super happy for you. Keep doing your thing love I want nothing but peace and happiness for you. " Did that sound shady or sarcastic? Nah. I meant it, if he was happy he wouldn't bring his misery to my life. I look up at who the girls were looking at. Ooh he was cute. I looked him up and down and when i got back to his face our eyes locked. I could't look away if i wanted to. He smiled. I almost got whiplash turning in the opposite direction. I took a huge gulp of my drink and looked back into my phone. Why was i so nervous, i'm a social butterfly!

"I appreciate it & wish the same for you. Sometime's i miss when we were friends. We were so close, we could talk about anything & bounce ideas off of each other. Maybe we would have been better off that way if we didn't cross over don't you think? " Trey was too calm and collected. I looked around the room in case he was here somewhere and this was one big set up. Nope. Just the same blond hair, blue eyed guy that was boldly staring at me with one of his eyebrows raised in...curiosity? I smiled slightly and slowly turned to face my friends that were looking at me smiling. 

"What?" I asked them awkwardly. 

"Someone's got an admirer" they cooed making stupid ass faces not realizing how loud they were. I put my hand over my eyes and ignored them looking back into my phone. 

"Yea we were best friends. What's done is done. I'm happy we both got out alive & are doing better for ourselves. Have a great evening Trey." I tried to end the conversation so I could do damage repair with my intoxicated friends.

"Do you think we can be friends again." I stared at Tre's message. I did not expect this. Could We? Why did he want to? Could I? You know, be JUST friends with the love of my life who emotionally scarred me, had me depressed for half a year and haunted my dreams every night? Nah. No way. I just can't. 

"Sure. I'd like that." My inner thoughts started a riot. Who even typed that? What was wrong with me! I started banging my head lightly on the bar telling myself how stupid I am when i noticed my girls weren't giggling anymore. I feel a light tap on my shoulder. 

"Are you alright love? " The British accent threw me. I stared at him and could not find a single word to say. My phone pinged off.

"You just looked a little down & a beautiful woman like you should always be smiling. " He gave me a half smile as if he were the one that was nervous. 

"You right, she should be smiling better yet drinking. It's friday! Smile bitch!" Alayne cheered for the mystery guy. I just awkwardly stared at him. His eyes were so....blue. His smile was so.....bright. He was so....my type. Not the type that i've dated nothing like Trey. He was my dream type, the one that only seemed like a fantasy. A bit older than me obviously but maybe that was better for me? If only i could make the words come out of my mouth. Instead i choke. I start choking on my own saliva and he leans over to get my drink as my girls fall out of their seat with laughter. 

"Thank you." I mumble as i finally start to catch myself. 

"Agh, she speaks." He says with a sarcastic smirk. 

I laugh in embarrassment and watch as he holds his hand out for me to shake. 

"I'm Harry & you are..." He looks at me in anticipation as i clear my throat. Before i can say my name the girls simultaneously jump in. 

"That's Rayne." 

I look at them horrified! Suppose i wanted to use my fake name! We don't know this guy, he could be a stalker and he looks established enough to get away with it. They were so annoying sometimes. Then again no one could be worse than, the deal i just made to be friends with the devil. 

"Rain? Like what's happening outside?" He chuckled. 

"Rayne, R-A-Y-N-E. Close enough though." I smiled as we shook hands for way too long. I heard someone clear their throat and we both dropped our hands. 

"So Rayne, you and your girls look like you're celebrating the weekend yet i couldn't notice something in your phone turned your smile into a frown. Since i couldn't admire your smile from afar I had to come over and see if I could fix it for you. " 

I was blushing so hard i'm sure i looked like a damn lobster. 

"Thanks i'm fine..." I mumbled looking down at my closed phone seeing tre's notifications. 

"Well i'll leave you ladies to it, have a good evening." He started to walk away and i felt a tinge of disappointment. Then as if he felt it he did a u-turn came back in front of me, took a deep breath and passed me a business card.

"If you ever want to talk..or need a reason to smile...give me a call." he runs his fingers through his hair as he walks backward towards his friends who at this point are looking at him like he's an alien. 

My girls stare at me, i stare back and then they start screaming so loud that everyone in the bar is looking at us. I put my head back on the bar close my eyes and start day dreaming. I've agreed to be friends with my ex. I've met someone with so much potential for me to settle down with. My business is doing well. I'm going to Greece for vacation. I have zero drama in my life My dad & I are speaking again. Yet i feel so lost... best to be lost in paradise.