Crash and Burn

•10•

November
Kennedy

     It was Thanksgiving break. A whole week off from school, but forced to hang out with my mom. Jackson was in Ireland for the break with his family. Parker was staying back, and his stepdads parents were coming in from London. His mom's parents were on a cruise and wouldn't make it. Declan had come into town and the Young's were all staying for Thanksgiving. We were going to there place for dinner on thanksgiving.

     Hope and I were at the skatepark at the moment. It was the first time I'd touched my board since I'd gotten my stitches out a week ago. I hadn't even been able to go to the beach with them.

     I wish I hadn't though because I was definitely rusty. I kept losing my footing as I caught air or misjudging how much momentum I needed for a jump. As I slid across the bar I lost my balance and fell ok my butt, the skateboard falling down the ramp. Instead of standing up, I laid all the way back and put my hands on my face.

     "Has your mom started bombarding you with college info yet?" Hope queried as she sat cross-legged next to me. "Like where you're going, how you're paying for it, if you're applying for any scholarships, what are you majoring in?"

     I answered, but my voice was muffled under my unmoving hands. "Sort of. We been focusing more on her doctor appointments and figuring how to pay for those and how to finish paying for my stitches."

Last month, after Parker and Logan had left, I had a fight with my mom. She'd been late, looked like shit, ignored Hope and me the entire meal, and interrogated my friends. Neither Parker nor Jackson seemed to mind, though. I, however, was livid. How could she do that? And right in front of me!

     My mom had started with beating around the bush. She came up with lie after lie. Excuse after excuse. Errand after errand. But she kept getting caught up in her lies. And then she turned around and called me out on all my shit. She screamed at me for my grades, for my attitude, and for how I wasn't presentable for dinner. But the thing that hurt the most was when she blamed me for our financial issues. "Those stitches cost more than you'll ever be worth!" She'd screamed.

      The words hit me right in the gut, taking all the air from my lungs. I couldn't feel my hands but there was a tingling somewhere at my tips. I needed to say something, retort, but my jaw got caught and I choked on my words. I would've fallen over if Hope hadn't wound her arms around my waist and pointed a pale finger at my mom who was shaking with rage.

     "Shut up, Grace! Kenny isn't your fucking problem!" Spat Hope. My mom would never yell at Hope. She was the daughter my mom always wanted. Instead, she broke down crying and I lurched forward, escaping Hopes grasp, and catching my mom. My foot stung with the weight on the stitches. Hope helped me lower my mom on to the couch before going into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

     My mom's red eyes only stood out more with the smeared mascara. She was blubbering something about doctors appointments that she's been attending. How she wished we had a health insurance plan.

     "Mom," I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs as Hope walked in with the glass and some tissues. "Mom, what are you talking about?" Blonde hair was falling out of my bun into my face.

     "I haven't been feeling good lately," she whispered in a hoarse voice. "I've been blacking out at random moments and I finally went to the doctor a few months back. The bills were stacking up and then you got hurt." She took a shaky breath. "Then I met your friends and I saw you would be okay if—" she continued crying after that.

     Hope took me out of my trance when she poked my side, right above my pelvis. I shot up and instinctively grabbed my side. It didn't hurt, but the sudden contact surprised me.

     "Hey, your mom's gonna be okay." She rubbed my shoulder and I leaned into her, resting my head on her collarbone.

     "I know," I forced a laugh. But I didn't know. She didn't know what was wrong, the doctors didn't know what was wrong, and I didn't know what was wrong. A month of tests and bills still owed started to add to my mom's stress. I offered to get a job, but she insisted I work on getting my grades up. She never mentioned college though. I figured it wasn't an option.

     "You'll have thanksgiving at our place and your mom doesn't have to lift a finger. My parents just want as little stress on your mom as possible."

     "Okay," I said.

~•~•~•~

     I opened the door and locked it behind me as I took my shoes off. "Mom, I'm home." I didn't get an answer. In fact, I didn't hear anything. Her car was parked downstairs, though.

      "Mom?" I repeated, dropping my board and shows by the door, and backpack on the couch. I walked into the kitchen, half expecting the worst, and half expecting to not even find her. But there she was, staring at a hot mug of tea. Steam swirled into the air as she stared at the blank wall.

     "Mom." It wasn't a question this time. More of a command. Or a plead for her attention.

     I sat down across from her so she was looking at me instead of the wall, but her eyes looked glazed. She was biting her bottom lip so hard that a small stream of blood was running down her chin. Over the last month, she'd gotten so thin that it kept me awake at night. I'd blown off Parker's requests to come to his games. I'd ditched some classes and avoided talking to people in general. But as soon as my stitches came out I threw myself at my friends. I knew I was sending mixed signals, but I just needed them to trust me. I knew I owed explanations, but they never asked, and I need time still.

     Now my moms pale, sunken face loomed over my twenty-four seven. I saw her everywhere and every time I closed my eyes. Even for a moment as short as a blink hurt. I know I love her, but I don't tell her enough. I don't remind myself enough.

     I opened my mouth to tell her just that. That I loved her. That I couldn't lose her too. But she beat me to it.

     "Cancer. It's cancer," she whispered.

______

Yo, talk about writer's block. I'm so sorry! I've actually been doing other stuff with my life. How about that? I finally finished the Divergent series. Wasn't impressed. I started this other really good series that literally needs to be Netflix original right now! Oh my god! I love every single character! And Andreil is the cutest couple ever! It's not even funny😭

But my sister took those books from me so she could read them and she won't let me have them back until I finish the Twilight saga. Ugh! I'm so mad!

Anyway, I hope this chapter was better than it felt.