Crash and Burn

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⚠️Mature⚠️

January
Kennedy

     My head fell back with silent moans as our bodies moved as one under the sheets of Matthew's bed. One of my hands clawed at his back as the other gripped his Sandy hair. His nose nudged at my neck bringing my head back down and my eyes to his dark ones, which were only made darker by the desire and lust.

"Matthew," I gasp earning a growl from him and a tighter grip on my hips. The now-familiar knot growing in my stomach tightens and I know Matthew is near, too. "Matthew," I barely get out before he gives one more thrust, and my back arches.

I let go of his hair as he lowers himself onto me. He rubs soft circles on the skin of my back and his head rests on my chest as I stroke his hair.

Our breathing is ragged and violent for a few moments before Matthew speaks. "We can't do this anymore, K," His speaking sending vibrations through me.

"Matthew," I begin unable to hide my annoyance.

He shifts so he has hands on either side of me and he's looking down. "No, no, we can't. You know we can't."

I sit up so I'm resting in my forearms, my nose brushing his causing his breath to hitch. I press my lips against his and let him follow me back down to the bed. After a few short moments of kisses and he's pulling away shaking his head. "Stop it," he says.

I sigh. "We both know that's not what you want, Matthew. You don't want to stop."

His hair's a mess and his forehead is shining with sweat. "I don't want to stop, you're right, but you don't want to continue the way I want to."

Here it is. I close my eyes. "You just had to ruin this moment with that conversation?" He tried to but in. "No, Matthew, I'm not going to be your girlfriend. We've discussed this and there's no point. Your family wouldn't accept me and with everything I have going on in my life—I'm just not looking for anything serious."

"You don't want to be my girlfriend, and I don't want to be your fuck boy. That's—"

"Don't you dare say it's not fair that I'm using you for a distraction? It is every bit as fair as you using every other girl you've slept with. You're no better than I am, Matthew, so don't go getting all high and mighty with me. I haven't done anything special or gone out of my way for this relationship of ours. I wasn't the one who told you to get fucking feelings for me, even if they're false and you're lying to yourself. That's all on you."

"I don't know why I love you!" His face is a mix of so many emotions that I have to look away.

"Don't say that!" I yell shifting out from under him. His parents are gone for the weekend so I don't even try to keep my composure. "You don't mean that!"

He shifts to sit on the edge of the bed as I get up and pull my sweatpants and tank top on, putting my hair in a messy bun.

"Why? We've been at this for months and I've never told anyone that before—don't walk away from this, K! You're brushing this off but this is a big deal for me!"

I spin around. "I'm not brushing it off! I just don't feel the same way and you know this! We've had this conversation and you can't deal with the fact that I'm probably the only girl who's ever and will ever tell you no. And you probably can't wrap your head around the fact that I could use you just as much as you could use me!"