Hacking Seoul

4 - The Girl Doll

I blindly walked into the store. Something changed between us as soon as we knew I was leaving for a year. It was like a taboo, something you could not speak of, something that was heavier than everything else and it was breaking our bonds. It drove me nuts. We weren't the same anymore.

I had no clue if David was experiencing the same thing I was. I could no longer figure anything out. Sometimes he would mention some girl, and I would feel unworried. Sometimes he would talk about some other girl, and I would feel replaced.

I had completely no place in his daily life, yet he talked to me like I was still the most important thing to him. We felt close, but we felt distant, I craved it but I dreaded it. Everything was smothering me.

I carelessly scanned the shelves full of couple items. The more I glared at them the more my brows furrowed. How could I? It was completely unacceptable. I could not forgive myself. Amidst the guilt was the confusion. Was this an indication that our relationship was merely a façade? No. That can't be it. I pushed the ugly shadow away angrily and tried to focus on glaring at the items.

The girl doll was a bubbly pink and smiling widely. Her hair was in pig tails and her cheeks a ruddy bliss. I reached for it carefully, not wanting to break any of her magical happy charm, and held it up. For some reason the light was blocked. I moved a bit to shake the shadow. But still I could not see clearly, so I turned to find more light, didn't notice why the shadow followed me.

"You sure you brought enough money for this doll? This time there might not be another stranger to buy it for you."

His teasing voice spoke up from behind me and I abruptly turned and tripped and felt myself topple over into his strong arms. His eyes bored into mine unreservedly stealing away all my strength. I stared at his perfect smiling face and felt blood rush up my cheeks as I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind.

"Why . . . are . . . you . . . stalking . . . me?"