Textrovert

"My...cat?"

[Tuesday, May 19, 2020]

Incoming call from Mother ducker

"Hello?"

"Hey weirdo, what's up?"

"You really need to stop calling me that."

"Would you prefer princess? Or Angel? Or Babe or Sweet cheeks or Sexy-"

"You can stick with weirdo!"

"Okay then. If you insist."

"Oh how kind of you."

"I know. So what's up?"

"The sky...?"

"That's so lame."

"That's rich coming from you. Your whole existence is lame."

"Ouch."

"You brought it on yourself, buddy."

"And you really need to stop calling me that."

"Call you what? Buddy? Does it annoy you?"

"I'm nodding furiously."

"You could've just used actual words and said yes, it's a lot easier that way. And you think I'm the weird one."

"Saying yes wouldn't have expressed how much it annoys me when you call me buddy. So I nodded instead. And since you couldn't see me, I told you-"

"You know what, don't explain it. You're making it sound weirder."

"..."

"Keith?"

"You know, Iris? One of these days you're gonna make me cry. You're like a big bad bully tormenting me and getting meaner each day."

"..."

"Yeah go ahead and laugh. That's what bullies do anyway."

"..."

"Okay you can stop now. Really."

"If you want me to stop you need to shut up."

"..."

"Okay I'm done. You can proceed now."

"What a relief, I thought I'd be sitting here for minutes hearing you gasp for breath."

"I wasn't gasping for breath."

"You were."

"That's how people laugh, Keith."

"I don't know anyone who laughs like that."

"Are you sure you've been around human beings? Maybe you're an alien- that would explain a lot. Though I don't know why anyone would abandon Alpha Centauri- assuming that's where you're from- and choose to go through intergalactic travel for decades to a hopeless planet 4.35 light years away-"