Time Will Tell | ✔

Epilogue

time will tell

"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history,
but not a part of your destiny."

― Steve Maraboli

...

8 months later...

Sometimes people are not meant to be. I've experienced this two times already. Sometimes you love someone with your whole heart, but you realize it way too late and then there's no time for you to fix things anymore. I've experienced this once. And sometimes, people fall out of love with you and fall in love with someone else instead. Sadly, I've experienced this twice as well. It hurts a lot because you keep wondering: why ?

I've had a lot of time to think about my past. I've had a lot of time to stop and rewind all the wrong I've done. I've had plenty of time to wonder about the 'what if's'. I've spent a lot of time just praying for this torture to be over, praying for better days to come, praying for the sun to shine on me again. I was convinced that God didn't want me to be happy ever again because of what I did to Rose Johnson. She didn't deserve any of the cruel things I did to her. She didn't deserve to feel unworthy. She simply didn't deserve to feel as if she was not enough because she was more than that. I hurt somebody who loved me despite my many, seemingly unforgivable faults and that messed with my head.

I was blinded by revenge and once I could see clearly again, I realized the aftermath of what I did. I ruined her life, her senior year, even her future. When I left for college, all I could think about was her current condition. I kept wondering whether she managed to move on from me, whether she managed to heal or whether she was still on the verge of giving up. She kept haunting me - even in my sleep. My brain was locked in a cage surrounded by painful memories torturing me all day and all night. Rose Johnson was the one holding the keys to free my mind but she left me locked up in that small cage instead of rescuing me from my demons.

I've learned, I've grown and I've eventually managed to move on with my life. I kept chasing a girl who was happy now. I kept chasing a girl who didn't need me by her side anymore. I kept chasing a girl who was deeply in love with someone else. I had no other choice but to let go. I also learned to accept the fact that I would forever remain the dark chapter from her past and there was nothing I could do about it. Before she took her belongings and left my heart once and for all, she finally unlocked the dark cage I was stuck in for so long and my brain was reunited with freedom again.

When I managed to let go of my past, I felt clean again. I rediscovered who I was. I rediscovered the me that was purely myself. I felt like my fifteen year old self, who had a lot of love to give. I learned to be happy about the small things in life, learned to smile a lot more and eventually learned to enjoy life again. I also remembered that solitude is a form of personal peace and that helped me a lot.

"You look good." Baldwin commented as he leaned against the doorframe. "That shirt was made for you."

I turned around within an instant and smiled. "Thank you. Which one of these shoes should I wear?" I asked, pointed towards my many shoes spread all across the floor. "And which one of these should I apply?" I asked again, pointing towards my newly brought fragrances. I was very nervous and quite excited for today because I had a date. This was my first date in almost five and a half years and that's why I wanted it to be perfect.

"You should go with the ones you're currently wearing. Oh and apply either one of these two." He grabbed both the Armani and the Dior bottle and brought them to his nose to inhale both scents. "Definitely this one."