Dear My Devil

10 | blacken my heart

... When he smiled and reached out his hand to formally introduce himself. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jongdae."

When he explained so calmly that he knew the members. "I told you, I work with them. It's no surprise for me to be there."

When I told him that the vocal coach was from EXO and he chuckled back at me, "You're the first person I know who gives that kind of reaction."

"WAIT! I mean, you can search him up if you want, but if he really is the one who saw you, wouldn't it make you feel anxious all week?" When he stopped me from googling his identity on my phone, and I believed his reasons so easily.

I cupped my mouth, also thinking about the time I talked about Chen being my EXO bias too. God, he must've been laughing at me on the inside the whole time.

"What about my voice? What do you think?" He even asked and I pushed out that possibility.

"Can you sing? Probably not, right? If you could, you'd already be an idol with that pretty face." I even joked about it when it turned out to be true.

... Yet I still said I have a knack with sounds when I can't put two and two together.

I snorted at myself. What a fool I am for me to think I made a new friend and having the hopes that he and I could be something more.

Or did I just get played?

My mood changed entirely and I didn't want to probe deeper into that thought. It would only make me weak, and there was no way I would let anyone think that of me. I took the time to wash my face, freshen up, and then returned to class bringing out my usual RBF.

Whoever the coach was, I was not going to let it affect me.

"Can you sing the first line for us? At your own pace, remember to draw on the emotions too," coach instructed me. For the time I was gone, everyone had showcased a bit of their singing and I was the only one left.

I breathed in and out, staring at the song sheet in my hand and tried not to let his presence affect me. "A long, empty road with no end in sight," I sang, remembering that this song carried a sad element and now I had to bring them out. "I'll stay with you while you are walking on it..." I caught my breath in between, "I'll wait for you at the end of the tough day, and keep with your pace." I croaked at the ending few words.

I wasn't going to dwell on my emotions but it naturally flowed out together. I tried to swallow back any emotional trace I left out but the huge ball of fuzziness stuck at my throat. Even after clearing my throat multiple times, it wouldn't go away.

When I heard nothing after I ended, I glanced up to find him staring back at me with his lips sealed. How am I supposed to interpret that moment of silence?

I challenged his stare without speaking and it only made the tension between us, and all the girls in the room, stronger.

"That," he finally spoke out, tearing away from my grudging stare. "That was an excellent example. Did the rest of you notice how her voice went strong on some parts and soft over others? A good start for many of you is to familiarise the lyrics and learn which words to stress on. The key is to find the words that can pull out the emotion at the right time."

I could sense the girls getting envious at me for getting his praise, but I couldn't feel good about it. I kept pacing back and forth in memory, questioning everything we talked about. Remembering his response to every little thing I told him about. How I was concerned about the vocal evaluation, how rapping made me lose faith, how unfair I felt... and how he comforted me like he wasn't part of it.