One {Mark Sloan}

Ashes

"It seems easy, doesn't it, you said sorry and you would expect me to forgive you,"

"No, I don't expect you to forgive me because I don't deserve it. I tried justifying what I did, tried telling myself that I loved Addison but-"

"But?"

"She wasn't you, Ren. She isn't you, she wasn't with me when my parents called to tell me that I shouldn't have been born, she wasn't with me when I couldn't sleep at night, she wasn't the person I liked to wake up to every morning, who I loved to kiss," Mark said gently as he moved closer to her.

"I don't know what to say,"

"Nothing, you don't say anything. This is me speaking when you and Derek left, Addison and me, we lived together for two months trying to make something out of a mistake but I am glad that happened," He said as he looked at her, she was staring at their hands.

"You're glad you slept with Addison?"

"No, not that part. I am glad because it made me realise how much you mean to me, how much I love you and how I can't live without you," He said as he tucked a piece of hair back.

"I can't get back with you,"

"I am not asking you to, I am just asking you to try and forgive me. Or at least one step closer to the path of forgiveness,"

"Dr Bailey, which of the interns is assigned to me today?"

"I thought you were taking a few days off, Dr Foster,"

"I did, I am better now, just wanted to do something I loved,"

"Oh, okay, you can have O'Malley,"

"Ren, you are back, I am so glad you are back," Callie said as she hugged her.

"You hugged me? Why?"

"I hug people I like,"

"Okay, a little weirded out but okay, I have George on service, have you seen him?"

"Must be with Grey or Stevens," Callie whispered angrily under her breath.

"What?" Bailey asked.

"Nothing, I haven't seen him,"

"Okay, I'll page him,"

"Ren, I need a consult,"

"Yeah?"

"Donna Gibson well Daniel Gibson, you remember her?"

"Yeah, she came to you for sex reassignment surgery, right?"

"Yes, she came in for the Vaginoplasty but her test shows something different," Mark said as he handed her the lab test.

"Breast Cancer, oh my god,"

"I know, it's so rare,"

"Did you tell her?"

"Not yet, this is going to crush her,"

"But it is part of the job," She said she patted him on the arm.

"Yeah, come on," They walked silently towards the room, Meredith trailing behind them. Donna greeted them as they entered the room.

"Dr Foster, it's been so long,"

"It has,"

"What are you doing here? You are a cancer specialist," Vicky said with a nervous expression on her face.

"We have the test results,"

"Your test results have shown Breast cancer,"

"I can't believe it,"

"The test results don't lie," Mark said with a solemn expression on his face.

"Breast cancer?"

"I'm sorry...I'm really...the needle aspiration showed abnormal cells in your tissue. Rare, but it happens. 

"So the hormones I've been taking have been feeding the breast cancer?" 

"Yes, that's why we need to stop the hormone therapy and start the treatment." 

"Or the cancer will get worse. The operation?" 

"There would be no point. Once we stop the hormones your breasts will shrink, your facial hair will grow back..." Mark said as he looked at Donna and Vicky. 

"She'll be a man again." 

"What if we do the operation? I keep taking the hormones, what then?" 

"Donna you really want to treat this now while it's still in its early stages," Renee said. 

"So if I keep taking the hormones?" 

"You'd be feeding the cancer," Renee answered.  

"I could die? Are you saying if I become a woman, I could die?"

They stepped out of the room and towards the station to complete some charts.

"So what happens with Donna now?"

"She goes back to being an unhappy man who's stuck with a penis. There are millions of us out there."

"You're unhappy with your penis?" Meredith asked as Renee snorted which cause Mark to glare at her.

"I could be a lot less unhappy. Maybe it's good that he's taking some space. Maybe you two aren't meant to be together. Look, Derek... on the outside he holds it all together, but he's damaged goods, Meredith. It's my fault. I damaged him. Maybe forever. You don't want to drink from a poisoned well do you?"

"Mark, you didn't damage him, well maybe not just you," Renee commented shaking her head.

"Dr Sloan? Dr Foster? You have to talk to her... she wants to go through with the operation."

"I've wanted this since before I can remember. I've waited forever. I'm not stopping now."

"Donna listen to me."

"If you don't do the operation, I'll go to New York and find another doctor,"

"You're going to have a hard time finding a surgeon..." Meredith commented.

"I will find one,"

"Donna we're trying to save your life," Renee said.

"As a man. I am not a man. I'll fight cancer, I'll just fight it as a woman."

"For God's sake, wake up Daniel."

"My name is Donna." 

"I'm not going to stand by and watch you kill yourself."

"I need Vicky to love me. But I need her to love...ME."

Scrub caps and masks on their faces, Renee and Mark stood outside the OR, ready to scrub in, as they watched Donna getting prepped for the surgery.

"I am surprised you agreed to do this surgery with me," Mark said, his voice muffled because of the mask.

"It's called professionalism, try it," Renee teased him as entered the OR.

"Grey, what's our next step?" Mark asked, a few minutes into the surgery.

"Continue the primary incision in the ventral side of the shaft. I am surprised that you agreed to do the surgery." 

"People don't come to me to fix what's on the outside, they come to me to fix what's on the inside. And if that means giving someone a straighter nose, or bigger breasts, or..if that helps a person get by.. I don't run. I don't hide. I don't take space."