Where Do We Go from Here?

ix.

     As I open Burb's door, the bell ringing mimicks my heart beat and my steps copy the pounding in my head.

     There, I saw him, sitting in the farthest right table in front of Theo whose back is facing me.

     'If anybody asks you who you look like, what will be your answer?' Dad asks the naive and chubby 5-year-old Nam.

     'Mammeh!' I shout with a devious smile knowing our script has 'Daddy' in it as an answer.

     'What?' he frowns, 'No fair, it's supposed to be Daddy!' I brace myself for the tickle and soon after, it comes, together with my high pitched unrestrained laugh.

    I remember it so vividly. At the time, I didn't understand the concept of look-alikes, all I knew was Dad will have a fit if I deviate from what he told me and I found it hilarious. Now I know, it isn't a fit but an answer to my expectation that a tickle will come.

     Looking at him now with his monolid almond shaped eyes, thick straight brows and narrow nose, I can safely say, the answer has always been Dad.

     "No invite for the youngest?" I ask as I stop my stride beside Theo.

     They both look at me with obvious polar opposite reactions. Theo closes his eyes as soon as he sees me followed by a restrained sigh. Dad's smile tells me he has been expecting me.

     "Sit down, little one."

     His voice has not changed, a calm but authoritative baritone. Nonetheless, it feels warm. It feels home.

     Well, at least what home used to feel like.

     I look at Theo who is obviously avoiding my gaze, probably out of guilt for excluding me in this meeting. He is currently sitting at the end of the bench hindering me from sitting down.

     "Move," I mutter but he doesn't budge. "I said move, Theodore."

     He slides himself to the other end and I sit.

     "Has it been a year?" I ask and Dad nods.

     It has been a year since we became officially and legally a broken family. The annulment wasn't the beginning though, the crack has been made years before.

     It has been years since Theo and Dad's relationship fell into ashes. Hell, even Mom and Dad's bond have more to it and Dad cheated, so that's saying something.

     It has stricken Theo hard. He is more reactive and expressive to it that I am. Probably because he has known about the other woman first or maybe because he is smarter about it than I am as he is with all other things.

     "Let's just cut to the chase, what do you want?" Theo crosses his arms and something about his tone, even if I have witnessed this rebellion for years, throws me off.

     He's Dad, after all.

     "How are you both? Everything good?" Dad smiles.

     "I said-"

     "We're managing," I intercept Theo before he can bring hell into the table. I have a feeling that is all I will be doing in this meeting, babysitting my older brother's demon.

     I hear Theo scoff, "We're more than managing, we're fine, better than fine, we're great."

     "Who are you trying to impress, kid?" Dad gives him a stern look but Theo snatches his gaze into the window.