Where Do We Go from Here?

xxi.

"Again, thank you for your support in this event. But in all honesty, the biggest support our community can ever get from you is the way you choose to live this life with everyone else in this earth. I hope you choose to be kind, compassionate and," Brooke pauses to scan the crowd with his sincere eyes, "above all else, be human."

The crowd roars and Brooke straightens himself up behind the podium. "Awhile ago, I have thanked the student body," he nods at Theo beside me, "the other student organizations, the faculty, the management and everyone else who made this event possible. But I would like to give further emphasis to this gem of a person. She embodied the purpose of this event with her art and so I would like to give her a voice today."

I turn my head to Theo. "It can't be me, right?" My heart starts throbbing and within a second I prayed to all the gods I don't believe in.

"The local district newspaper featured her mural for this event and has sung it praises." Brooke's gaze goes from scanning the crowd to looking directly at me.

"I guess, it is you," Cobi whispers behind me.

"No, no, not me," I beg.

"Naomi Tan, may I kindly ask for your voice on this stage?" He utters and the crowd whispers curiosity as they look around.

I'm going to kill you, Brooke.

A force suddenly pushes me forward and as I look behind me, Cobi and Jean exchange a high five while looking at me.

"She's coming, don't worry! She's right here! She just has weak knees, that's all." Jean shouted.

My body goes on autopilot and as Brooke requested, my legs lead me to the stage. I wobble through the few flight of steps and as I plant my feet on the stage, my lunch surges a little bit up my stomach.

I look at Brooke and he steps back from the podium. "All yours, Nam."

I walk where I think I should be and face the crowd.

"Why do I feel like there are thousands of you?" I unconsciously blurt out and they laugh. I shocked myself but somehow the reaction made my stomach less upset. "First of all, thank you for the sudden call out, Brooke," I say remembering Theo's strategy for his recitations. Say thank you or greet the crowd for an extra time to think.

I look at my mural far beyond the crowd. Where I am standing, it seems irrelevant and insignificant. That was the plan, anyway.

I look at it some more and try to remember how I finished it but all I can remember was how I felt doing it. It was liberating.

I look at the crowd again and realized they've been waiting but I can't seem to talk.

"You can do it, Nam," I hear Brooke say.

I look back at him. "Brooke, I feel like I can't. Why me?" I whisper.

"Why not you?"

I turn again and in the far right corner of my eye, I see a flicker. I look at where I think it's coming from and I see a man holding a camera up, facing the stage with its flashlight on. He's smiling as he looks at me through his phone.

I smile.

Dad.

I take a deep breath and face the crowd, "I'm not going to lie, I felt exploited when Brooke first asked me to do the mural," I pause as the crowd laughs, "but I said yes, because I felt like it was just a wall at the back of an old building anyway. Nobody's going to see it. But the local journalists did." I look down and sigh, "I would like to apologize for thinking that way. For thinking of myself when in reality it should have been always about this movement."