The Luna and Her Moon

Chapter 16

As promised, here is the extra chapter I just wrote since I was late! I hope you enjoy them both and I hope there isn't too many errors as it is 3:30 a.m. where I live lol.

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Leaning into the pillows supporting my back, I pulled the extra blanket tighter around me as I stared at Xavier. My foot was propped up on a pillow alongside an ice pack, courtesy of the one who had my attention. After we had debated on a movie with the previous moment placed on the back burner, Xavier had made us comfortable.

When he questioned which movie we were to watch, I had no clue. I have only seen one or two movies in my life so I wasn't sure what each would entail or what kind I would enjoy. When I admitted this I could tell he wanted to press but considering the tears had barely dried from the last mention of my past, he refrained from doing so.

After he explained the plots to me, I still had no clue and asked him to pick his favourite. He sighed and decided on watching "Grease," muttering under his breath that it was one of his mother's favourite movies so it should be mine too. He had placed the movie in the DVD player that sat below the television mounted to the wall, opposite the bed. Xavier grabbed the remote but before pressing play went and got us extra blankets and pillows in addition to some snacks. Popcorn was something I only had a few times so this was a luxury item I quite enjoyed as I snacked on it.

Standing at the end of the bed, Xavier was looking at me hesitantly. I stopped my current motion of popping the buttery goodness in my mouth, slowly raising my gaze as I finished chewing the last piece I had thrown in there.

"Would you be comfortable if I sat with you on the bed?" He asked me gently, his tone implying I had an option that he wouldn't be angry about.

At the thought fear spiked inside of me, filling my chest with anxiety. I wasn't too sure about the idea as I always ended up in a bed with all of the customers. The thought of being so close to him on a bed, where he could easily overpower me made me shiver at the prospect. Xavier had gotten the hint with my long pause and questioning looks, hurt and disappointment masking his features.

Somewhere inside of me the force was aching at seeing him look like this. Even more so knowing I was the one who caused this reaction. "Don't worry, I won't rush you into anything. I'll sit in the chair instead." Though he had already masked his disappointment it was evident in his voice, causing another ache to shoot through my being.

So, he perched himself in the chair that was close to the bed but angled towards the television, perfect for viewing. He pressed play on the movie but remained with a hint of hurt on his features, looking lost in his thoughts.

This is what led me to stare, having barely any clue what was happening in the movie. Though I wanted to watch it I just couldn't stop looking at his face. It was apparent he wasn't intentionally doing so as he would plaster a smile on his face every few minutes but it wouldn't last long before the sadness seeped back through, cracking his mask.

Knowing that I was the one to cause this was breaking my heart. The force was pulling at it, as if it was trying to tell me to go to him. Despite the fact that I wanted to trust Xavier it was hard given the past I had. I wanted to be normal but I didn't know how. The only life I have ever known is pain and I'm not sure I can shine brightness on to someone else's. What if I only brought darkness to Xavier's life and he ended up turning on me? If I let him in that would be the final straw. I wouldn't be capable of taking anymore life could throw at me if that occurred.

In that moment, it seemed as if something clicked in my brain. If I was afraid of bringing darkness to his life, what was I doing right now? If I was the reason for his pained expression then clearly I was already failing at not doing so. Despite the fear that consumed me I made a decision. I couldn't allow myself to hurt Xavier when I'm so worried of him doing the same to me.