Famous In Love

69

Clarke looked how Lexa’s phone screen lighted up in the dark because of her text. She saw how the brunette looked at it for a few seconds and then let the screen go dark again. Ignoring the message like before and just staring in front of her again. “Wow you must be planning on some really big message if you’re taking that long to respond.” Clarke said while she started to walk closer. Lexa turned around didn’t see Clarke’s face immediately in the dark but she knew it was her. She recognized that voice everywhere. “Clarke, what are you doing here?” Lexa asked when the blonde came into view. Lexa looked around, like she checked if they were being watched. “You didn’t reply so I thought I would have to come and check on you myself. I even ran towards here. Do you realise I never run?” Clarke said while she sat down on the bench Lexa sat before. Lexa looked at Clarke with a confused gaze but she sat next to her when she saw the blonde just staring at the city lights. “It’s beautiful, right?” Clarke whispered while she didn’t take her eyes of the lights in front of her. “Yes.” Lexa softly replied while she didn’t take her eyes off of Clarke. Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes on her and turned her face to her. They didn’t say anything for some seconds and just looked at each other until Clarke moved her hand to Lexa’s face. She laid her hand on Lexa’s cheek and Lexa leaned against it. She closed her eyes shortly, enjoying Clarke’s touch. She knew she shouldn’t let herself get close to Clarke again but she simply couldn’t resist the temptation. She had been ignoring Clarke for the past three days and even that was almost impossible for her to do but now that the blonde was sitting in front of her and touching, she couldn’t control herself anymore. She opened her eyes again and looked at Clarke. “What are we doing?” Lexa whispered and Clarke didn’t say anything for a while. “Living.” Clarke whispered back and Lexa looked at her with a questionable gaze. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life, asking myself if I made a mistake. If I let the woman of life go just because I was scared. We don’t even know for sure it was Costia. Maybe she’s just fucking with out head. And I’m scared yes that it is her fault and she won’t stop. But much more scared to lose you. And I know when we are together, that we can handle it.” Clarke said and the confused look on Lexa’s face didn’t go away. “What are you trying to say?” Lexa asked and she sat father away from Clarke. Clarke didn’t understand what was going on. “I’m saying I want to be with you Lexa. Fuck Costia.” Clarke said and she tried to come closer to Lexa but it only made Lexa get up from the bench. “You’re kidding right? Please tell me you’re kidding.” Lexa said while she went with her hands through her hair. “Does it look to you like I’m kidding. I just told you I want to be with you, Lexa. Why would I be kidding about that? Don’t you want to be with me then?” Clarke said and she felt a sting in her heart thinking that Lexa might not want her anymore. Lexa noticed Clarke’s doubt. “Of course I want to be with you Clarke. I broke up with Costia to be with you but we just can’t be together. I want you but I don’t want to bring any more people in danger. People that you care about, people you love.” 
“What about you? I love you.” Clarke said and Lexa’s heart felt heavy at hearing that sentence. “And I love you too Clarke. And I always will but Raven could have died or been paralyzed because of me. Because of us being together.” 
“We don’t know that for sure.” Clarke said with tears in her eyes and trying to get closer to Lexa but the brunette kept on walking farther and farther away from her. “We do know that for sure. This isn’t coincidence. I’m not going to risk another life.” 
“And I’m not going to risk yours neither. Or mine.” Clarke said and Lexa looked at her with a questionable gaze. “You said the world would be better off without you.” Clarke said and Lexa looked at the ground. Clarke walked closer and finally Lexa didn’t walk away from her anymore. “Lexa… Do you really think that?” Clarke asked and she took Lexa’s hands in hers. “I don’t know what to think anymore. It’s like the world is against me. Everytime I have something, something bad happens. And the worst thing is that it doesn’t only affect me but others too. I’m a grenade, Clarke. I don’t want you to be with me. You deserve to be happy.” 
“You make me happy. I see a life with you and I don’t want to throw away what we have. I’ve never felt so much love for someone before. I can’t just let that go and pretend it’s not there. I don’t want that.” Clarke said and Lexa took Clarke’s face between her hands and leaning over her. Their bodies were close and their faces too, Clarke looking up to the taller girl. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Lexa whispered. “If you break up with me or let me go now, you will hurt me.” Clarke said with croaky voice and Lexa didn’t say anything. She just looked from the left to the right eye, not knowing what to do. “Please, Lexa.” Clarke begged and Lexa let go off her face. “No.” Clarke begged when she saw Lexa increasing the distance. Lexa walked to a tree. She leaned her head against the tree trunk and Clarke walked towards her, pressing her front against Lexa’s back while she arms hold on tight around Lexa’s middle. “I can’t lose you.” Clarke said while crying and Lexa pulled Clarke’s arms from around her open so she could turn around and hold Clarke. “You won’t.” Lexa said with a sigh and she rested her head on Clarke’s while the blonde sobbed against her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa said and when she heard Clarke didn’t stop sobbing she looked at Clarke’s face. “Hey, look at me.” Lexa said and Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes now. “I’m here.” Lexa said and she laid her hand on Clarke’s neck to pull her in to kiss. She could feel Clarke’s tears against her cheeks. Lexa pulled Clarke fully against her body, wanting the blonde as close as possible but she started lose balance. She started to get dizzy because she hadn’t slept in 2 days. Clarke could feel it and pulled back. “Are you okay?” Clarke asked while she Lexa by the waist so she wouldn’t fall. “I’m more than okay now.” Lexa said and she gave Clarke a small kiss. “I’m just tired. That’s all.” Lexa said when she didn’t see the worried wrinkle between Clarke’s eyebrows disappear. “Let’s get you into bed.” Clarke said but Lexa didn’t let Clarke guide her away. “No I want to watch the sunrise with you. It’s late already so why not stay a bit longer and watch it?” Lexa asked. “Okay but let’s sit down then.” Clarke said and they sat down on the bench again. Lexa pulled Clarke closer to her body while they sat down. Clarke looked up at Lexa shortly and Lexa smiled at the blonde before leaning in to kiss her favorite pair of lips again.