Peeta's Story- The Hunger Games

Chapter 36

Guys, I had a serious case of writers block. Literally, I sat there for hours upon hours staring at the screen, typing a word, deleting it, typing it again, etc etc.. So fair warning- I go off on alot of tangents in this chapter, and everything will probably be slightly redundant.... I would've proofread it and cut some stuff out, but some of you *cough cough* would've hit me over the head with a tracker jacker hive if I didn't upload so..

Yeah. xP

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She breathes deeply in and out, completely at peace with the world while I stroke her hair. With every breath she takes, her eyelids flutter a bit and I laugh quietly at how vulnerable she looks. It's quite deceiving and contradicts her fiery personality. However, underneath all her feistiness, I'm almost sure she's as caring and tender as she looks right now. After all, she's had the heart to care for me even though she could have left me to die. She's like a prickly pear cactus- prickly on the outside, but surprisingly soft inside.

I could watch her forever, just memorizing every detail of her face, with her delicate cupid's bow set above her dark pink lips and her high cheekbones highlighted by a few stray hairs. Her skin is scarred in some places and I run my fingers over them lightly, my heart breaking at the thought of her being hurt.

This is the girl I love with all my heart, the girl I love more than life itself. Her flaws only make her better- more human- in my eyes. Sometimes I want to tell her to leave me, for I know that I'm holding her down, handicapping her, but I can't bear to. She just means too much to me, and now that I'm finally getting to know her, I just can't let go. It seems almost irrelevant whether she has any feelings for me anymore, now the most important thing is to keep her safe. They say unrequited love is the worst, but right now, watching her die while I stand there, powerless, would be worse. Besides, I can't be sure that my love for her isn't returned. Sometimes, when she's tending to my wounds, I see a flicker of care in her eyes, something I would have never hoped for until now, when all hope seems to be lost. But then she checks herself and becomes as cold as stone, leaving me two steps behind, swirling into a sea of utter confusion. I try to tell myself that it's better she doesn't get too attached to me. That way, if someone comes to kill us, she'll find the strength to leave and save herself, but part of me keeps praying for her to finally love me back. They- the Capitol, Caesar Flickerman, even Haymitch- have said that I'm a better person, that I'm kinder, more caring, more humane, but when it comes down to it all, Katniss is truly better. Unlike me, she isn't selfish. She took her sister's place in the Games, placing Primrose's life above hers, while I just want her to love me back, regardless of the potentially dangerous consequences.

All this confusion is sending my mind into a frenzy. I feel a dizzying headache and close my eyes, trying to get rid of it. My head drops an inch on the wall and I almost fall asleep before jerking myself up, trying to keep alert. I have to watch the entrance in case of danger.

Katniss shifts in my lap, turning to face away from me. Her face stretches into a smile and she mumbles something incoherent while smiling even more. I wonder what she is dreaming about; she rarely ever smiles, even back in District 12. Ever since her father died in that coal mine explosion, she's shut herself out of the world, letting a laugh or smile creep onto her face only when she is with her family or Gale. I smirk slightly at the thought of him, probably watching us onscreen angrily. So am I taking good enough care of your girl? I want to say to him, feeling the waves of anger and resentment washing over me again. Even time apart from him has not soothed my feelings of hatred, I just don't trust him for some reason. He seems sneaky and conniving and is a total player, while what Katniss needs is a loyal and caring boy.

Gale will probably be seething with jealousy by now at all that has gone on between me and Katniss. Though she herself won't admit it, maybe out of denial, he is head over heels for her, despite being a player. I can tell by the way he looks at her, by the way he risks being punished for taking her out hunting. However, despite all these displays of true love, he also looks at her like a predator would its prey, like something to be won. She also flirts back with him shamelessly, though it's so innocent I doubt she even realizes she does it. I just hope that if we, by some miracle, manage to make it back to District 12, she'll see that I'm the one she truly needs.