Peeta's Story- The Hunger Games

Chapter 39

please read this author's note!

okay guys, so a few things first. i'm sorry i haven't uploaded in awhile, as most of you guys know, i was (and still am) rather sick.... so that does not lead to wonderous writing :P. also, this is probably one of the worst chapters i've written. i started it before i was sick and finished it today, then looked at it for a few hours, and couldn't think of what to do with it, so i'm really sorry! also, my email notifications don't work very well and don't let me know when some of you guys dedicate your story to me or reply to my comments or comment on a chapter... so i'm sorry if it seems like i'm ignoring you..

anyway, i feel like this deserves a vote of crappiness....

x amanda

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Now that she's mentioned it, I realize how much I miss home, too. I miss my mom's pickiness and my father's laugh, as well as the smell of the bakery. It's the life I knew before I was ripped from it and stuck in this h*llhole. It was a place of familiarity and gave me a sense of belonging, but now I don't know what to do with life anymore. If we manage to win, will life change back to normal?

Most likely not. The winners are given their own homes in a cozy little community. As much as I want to put the Games behind me, it'll haunt my future forever. Nightmares will attack me while I'm sleeping, bringing back the suppressed memories, and I'll have to mentor the future tributes. I don't know if I can do that- mentor someone who has almost no chance of winning. It's pure luck that Katniss and I have survived for so long. In fact, death doesn't seem like such a gloomy prospect with the future I have inevitably set before me, should Katniss and I win.

I wonder what they are doing at home now, if my parents have gone back to their old routine, as if I were never drawn. Have the ovens been abandoned or are they glowing merrily with the aroma of fresh-baked bread? More importantly, how is my family doing? My mom is probably cold and quiet, refusing to show the pain she has bottled inside. Meanwhile, my father is probably hiding in a corner weeping. However, the person I'm most worried about is Braeden. He's been my best friend for so many years, and after losing his sister Serenie, I don't know how he'd deal with losing me.

I smile quietly at Katniss and kiss her cheek. "We'll be in District 12 soon," I say quietly even though she's asleep. I know that somewhere, cameras are focused on us and I try to get the message across to my loved ones. I intend to win and bring both of us back home alive.

The sound of the rain is calming, soothing, and I close my eyes, enjoying the serenity of the moment. When I notice a wet spot on the floor, I tenderly place Katniss's head on the floor and put the broth bowl under the crack in the roof.

The sky has turned from a gray blue to a dark, velvety color when Katniss wakes up. She smiles at me lazily. "Hi, I'm starving."

I laugh and my stomach growls. "Same here." I take out the food and look at it sadly. There isn't much left. "Should we save some for tomorrow?" I ask. I don't trust myself with decisions like these, whereas I would take her advice without a second thought. After all, she's a survivor and infinitely smarter than I am.

"No," she says simply. "I'll hunt tomorrow."

I pull a face. "I've never been hunting before. I don't think I'll be able to help much."

"It's okay, I'll hunt and you can cook," she says, finishing off her groosling.

I can't help but feel belittled like this. As sexist as it sounds, I feel like the roles have been changed and I don't like how dependent and vulnerable I am right now. If only there was some grain and water here, I could at least be useful and make some crackers. "If only there were a bread bush. I wonder what it'd take to get Haymitch to send us some bread."