Dead Set - Book 2 of a Zombie Reverse Harem

Chapter Twenty Four

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

AGNES LEFAY

Water rushed over my feet, smoothing the jagged edges of my frayed nerves as I stared out across the river. It was taking too long. Jay should have woken up by now, he shouldn't still be unconscious to use a better term -he had no heartbeat and he wasn't breathing so the technical term would be dead but that word made me physically sick- I felt queasy just thinking about it. I hadn't eaten much since that first day and when I did, my thoughts would send me in a tailspin until my head was buried deep into the toilet bowl, much to the chagrin of Connor and Blake. They assumed my lack of appetite was due to my melancholy over Jay, and they were partly right, but there was also another part that I didn't want to think about, let alone talk about. The truth was with every day that passed after biting Jay, normal food just seemed less and less appealing to me. It wasn't that I wasn't hungry. I was far from it. The pain of hunger twisted my stomach into a gnarled knot, the pain only intensifying as the days went on. It wasn't that I had lost my appetite, it was that my appetite had changed...

The amazing chilli that Blake had adapted for me had tasted like rotting meat the very next day. When I had mentioned it to Blake he had tasted it proclaiming it was fine. He had the same penchant for raw meat as I had so I had no reason to doubt his taste buds. It must be me that was faulty. And it was, because as the days wore on, no matter what meal was put in front of me the meat always tasted spoiled and the vegetables like saw dust. I only ate enough to appease the guys, pushing my meal around my plate with my fork disguising how much I had actually eaten. By their deepening frowns, I guessed that I wasn't fooling anybody. I wondered how deep that frown would go if they knew that the scent of Connor called to me more than any meal they made. His smell was warm and fresh and everything that made my mouth water in a way that no meal could. Which is why I had begun to distance myself from him. Acting annoyed by his overbearing need to cheer me up when in reality, it was becoming too painful to be near him. Too tempting.

I had taken to sleeping out on the porch swing with the furry blanket from inside, wrapped tightly around me, the breeze and fresh air, clearing my head of Conner's aroma. I wasn't sleeping much lately anyway. Plagued by nightmares, every time I closed my eyes. Images of Jay transitioning alone, screaming in pain into the darkness and as I reached out for him the dream would morph into the memory of my teeth sinking into his skin. This time there was no one there to stop me as I tore the flesh from his bones until there was nothing left but his handsome face staring up at me in betrayal. I would cry and sob as I stroked his hair begging him to return to his mangled body. I would always lean in to kiss him goodbye but as I'd pull away, Connor's face would replace Jay's, his body now a mangled mess in my arms. That's when I would wake up screaming. So yeah, I don't sleep much anymore. I just sit there, swinging until the sun rises.

That's when the guys let me spend half an hour with Jay. They knew they couldn't keep me away and when I started to pull away from them, this was the compromise they had come up with. The short time was enough, any longer and the guilt would begin to nibble away at me causing me to spiral and when I spiralled, my hunger increased and my control slipped. I could not afford to lose control around Connor.

After my visit, they would force me to eat breakfast. This was always guaranteed to devolve into arguments about how much I was eating and how I needed to keep my strength up blah, blah, blah and I would always end up where I am now to get away from their constant mothering. Sat on a giant rock, embedded into the riverside as I dangled my feet into the water, getting stuck inside my own head as I waited for Jay to wake up.

I felt bad, I knew they attributed my mood and behaviour to being heart broken and guilt ridden over my lack of control and how I had hurt Jay. And it was to a degree. But the truth was so much more than that. I was scared. Terrified actually because it wasn't just my appetite that had changed.