Harlem's Perspective.
6 weeks later.
These past few weeks have been amazing. My life seems as though it's been going nonstop, but I love it. I started working for Tiana's mom at the hair salon and it has showed me my passion. At Ms. Johnson's hair salon, she has this section in the back with two private rooms. One of the rooms, she does waxes in, and I mean any type of waxes. And in the other room, she does facials, lashes, etc. Anything with skin. I think that's what I want to do in life. Maybe, just maybe, I'll go to esthetician school and have my own salon.
Besides working, though, I have been having a lot of fun. Tiana and I make sure to spend lots of time together. My best friend has turned into more of a sister, especially since we've been living together. She tries to drag me out to clubs and such, but, we spend majority of our time staying home, eating, and watching movies. Just the way that I like. Tiana and Josiah have also been getting very serious. They go on plenty of dates, she spends the night at his house whenever she can, and all she can ever talk about is him. It's like he's the perfect guy for her. I'm so happy to see my best friend happy.
Also, Kyree and I have been getting close. We go to church every Sunday, like I promised, and he's been such a gentleman. He hasn't brought up anything romantic, he hasn't brought up anything sexual, and it's so refreshing. He checks up on me all of the time, we've spent some time together doing simple things like movies and the mall and out to eat, and we basically facetime and text for hours everyday. I love that our bond is growing slowly and organically, and he's not forcing his feelings onto me.
But, everything can't always be perfect, I guess. Because here I am, sobbing at 4am, staring at a positive pregnancy test. I should've known something was up! I should've fucking known that everything couldn't just be perfect. Life just never wants me to be happy. Whenever I am, a curveball gets thrown my way.
What the fuck am I gonna do with a baby? I am 19 years old. I barely have a job, I don't have my own place, and I don't even want a baby! I'm too young! I don't have shit going for myself! I don't even have a car anymore. What am I gonna do with a baby?
And the icing on the fucking cake is that Christian is the father. I haven't had sex with anyone else besides Christian, ever. I wanted to be done with him forever. I wanted to disappear that night I left his house, and I wanted to be gone forever. I didn't want to complicate things, make things harder for him or for myself, and now, I somehow have to call or text him and tell him that I'm pregnant with his baby.
I stuff the pregnancy test into the front of my jeans and leave the bathroom, as quiet as possible. I go into my bedroom and lock the door. I take the test out of my jeans and hide it in one of my drawers, underneath clothes. I pace back and forth in my room, stressed. I know I have options, but do I really?
I could keep the baby, and never tell Christian, and raise it on my own. I could be one of those badass single mothers that get shit done and don't need a man for shit. Or, I could tell him. I could give him the option to help me out. But, then that would mean I would be stuck with him for at least 18 years. And I'm not sure I can handle that.
My other options, of course, involve not being a mother. I could get an abortion, get rid of it before I even ever tell Christian anything. Before I tell anyone anything. Then the problem would be solved. Or, you know, I could let someone adopt my child. I could carry the baby for 9 months, give birth, and then just give my rights up. Right there and then. But, the question is, am I mentally prepared for that?
Am I mentally prepared for any of this? Pregnancy could be a lot on the body and mind, just like childbirth can and so can motherhood. Also, having my child being taken away from me could be hell for my mind, and so could having an abortion. I'm really not sure what to do here and it's tearing me apart.
